Just what I needed. More guilt. “Hey.” I reached out and pushed a tendril of her hair out of her face. “What happened here stays here. Okay?” I hoped I reassured her that I wouldn’t use this against her or that I’d say something and she’d lose her job.
She nodded. “I don’t regret it, Nick.”
My heart, an empty hard rock earlier, filled with warmth. “I’m glad. I don’t either, Mia.”
I watched as she went to her car and drove off. I went inside, took a quick shower and then called it a night. I had the day off tomorrow and I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. Work was busy, and would make it hard to get lost in my guilt. A day off would give me all day to drive myself crazy perseverating on what happened. At the same time, I wasn’t sure I was ready to face life. By now, word was out in town about Ms. Mason’s death. Chances were my voicemail was overflowing with messages, many of them angry. I didn’t know because I’d turned my phone off.
I pushed all that away, wishing for sleep to come. But when it did, it was with a vengeance. Ms. Mason was scolding me like I was in kindergarten again, but she was yelling at me for leaving her. What sort of doctor was I? Frogs were hopping all about as she ranted about what a terrible person I was. I woke with a start, my heart galloping in my chest.
I ground the heels of my palms into my eye sockets. I’d forgotten about the night mares that came sometimes. I didn’t have them after every patient I lost. Sometimes it wasn’t about a patient at all. When I was a resident, twice I’d had my life threatened, once by knife point and once by gun. I’d had nightmares after those incidents.
I got up, took a sleeping pill I hoped would dull any dreams, and went back to bed, wishing for peace, even while knowing it wouldn’t come.
8
Mia
I meant what I’d said to Nick. I didn’t regret having sex with him. It shouldn’t have happened, but I couldn’t be upset that it did. I just needed to make sure it didn’t happen again.
I left Nick’s house and headed to my father’s house to check on him. Eli’s car was out front, so I braced myself for whatever attitude he’d have.
“Hi Dad,” I said as I walked in.
“How’s my girl?” He was in his chair, and Eli was next to him, going over some papers.
“Good. What’s going on?”
“Just reviewing some things about the store,” my dad said as I leaned over to kiss him on the head.
“Working late because of Ms. Mason?” Eli asked.
I didn’t want to lie, but I also didn’t want to admit I was at Nick’s. “Such a tragedy. I’ll never forget starting kindergarten with her.”
“Word is around town and people are devastated,” Eli said. “Rumor is that Nick screwed up.”
I frowned. “Since when do you listen to gossip?”
“Nick is an arrogant SOB, so it’s not hard to believe. It’s about time someone sues him.”
I looked at my dad, who sighed as if he’d been through Eli’s attitude about Nick before.
“What is your problem, Eli? You sound like a twelve-year-old girl.”
He flinched and then narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you back with him? Seduced by his fake charm?”
I remembered the feel of Nick’s hands on me just an hour before. And the anguish in his voice as he grieved the loss he had today.
“Eli, that’s enough,” my father said. “We all know you don’t like him.”
“You don’t know him like I do. Neither of you do.”
I scoffed. “Which is it, Eli? I let him know me too well or I don’t know him at all?”
Eli glared at me. “Everything that has gone wrong in this family is because of him.”
“That’s not true,” my father said.
“Get a life, Eli. No wonder you’re having a hard time of it. You can’t blame Nick because you didn’t get what you wanted in life.”