I sat on a chair near his recliner. “I got mad and quit.”
“I see.” He stared at me like he wasn’t sure how to respond.
“I can’t represent a hospital that will toss its hard-working staff under the bus.”
“Is that what it was doing?”
“It looks like Nick has a good a good chance that the Mason family will drop charges, but the hospital was still looking for ways to blame him.”
My father’s face lit up. “Nick will be cleared?”
I smiled, because my father’s smile reminded me of what was important. “He has a good case. It remains to see if the family accepts it. That doesn’t take the hospital off the hook though. Unless a pathologist can … well, I can’t go into details. It’s possible the hospital could still be liable, but it won’t accept it. It was unprofessional of me to quit. It’s not like I haven’t represented assholes before, but I just … snapped.”
“You love Nick and you don’t like to see someone out to get him.”
I sagged back in my chair. “Yeah well, now I have no job and no prospects for a job.”
My dad patted my hand. “I have faith it will all work out. You could work with Eli. He’s setting up some sort of Internet thing.”
“Maybe I could just hang out with you and watch about boingos.”
“It’s bongos.”
“See, I have lots to learn.”
My father laughed. “You’ll be all right Mia. The answers aren’t in front of you at the moment, but you have to trust they’ll come.”
“You don’t think it was stupid to quit like that?”
“Not stupid. Not smart, but sometimes drastic measures are required. I quit my counseling practice before I had the store. Your mother wanted to box my ears I’m sure, but she knew that somehow it would work out, and it did.”
I admired my father’s ability to see the positive. Things didn’t work out for him in the end, since my mother died, but he didn’t seem to see it like that. I wondered how’d he’d been able to go on without her. I was pining away for Nick, and he wasn’t gone. I could go to San Diego and see him if I wanted to. I could tell him how I was feeling, starting with how pissed I was for his leaving.
“Things will work out for you too, Mia. And Nick as well.”
35
Nick
For the first time in a while, I felt energized. Like I had the confidence I needed to take my life back, even though I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. The flight back to Reno took forever. I got my car out of long-term parking and made my way to Victoria’s office. We reviewed my case and she seemed to agree that it could be enough to encourage the Mason family to drop me from the lawsuit. I asked her to call Mia and let her know. Yes, I was still avoiding Mia, but I’d see her soon. I didn’t want to talk to her until I had a better sense of where my life was and what I’d be able to offer her.
I left Victoria’s office and went directly to the psychiatrist’s office that I’d called and made an appointment with before I left San Diego. The idea that talking about problems would make them go away still baffled me, but I couldn’t deny that one visit with a counselor had reframed some of my thoughts and re-energized me. I wasn’t cured, but if I was to have any peace, this felt like the answer.
That meeting didn’t have me leaving with any great epiphanies, but I didn’t feel worse. I set up a standing weekly visit, and walked out with a few new tools, beyond the journal, to help me if I felt an episode coming on. The psychiatrist did encourage me to get back into medicine if that was my end goal.
“It is easier to deal with difficulties if you don’t have to experience them, but if you want to practice medicine, you need to learn how to handle them while in the thick of it. It’s like the proverbial horse. You have to get back on. With a few coping skills, you’ll be able to desensitize the experiences, and have fewer episodes.”
I had to trust that was true. I wanted it to be true and would work to make it so.
I drove back to Goldrush Lake, enjoying the beauty of the mountains and fresh air. As I entere
d the outskirts, I had a tingle of anxiety in my lower spine. The last time I was here, a group of people wanted to string me up and ended up hurting Mia. Did they still feel that way? Would they always feel that way, even if it was proven that I wasn’t negligent or the cause of Ms. Mason’s death? If so, could I continue to live there, even if Mia gave me a chance?
I shook my head. One thing at a time, Foster. I spent the next few days holed up at home, looking at my options, and making plans. I realized the job prospect was going to take longer than I wanted to wait. I needed to see Mia. So, I upped the plan to put that in action.
I headed to the Parker Sports store. Eli and I weren’t friends anymore, and it was unlikely we would ever be, but this time I’d try to do things right. I parked out front and entered the store. I remembered going there as a kid and playing with Eli. To us, the sports equipment was like toys.
The store had several shoppers. Eli was talking to someone over by the hiking boots. He had a surprised expression when he saw me, but he nodded, indicating he’d be with me in a minute.