He shifted like he was uncomfortable as he looked at me. His light blue eyes that always made me think of stars looked down at my outfit and then up to my face again.
“It looks like you have plans too.”
“No. Just hanging out. We’ve got beer if you want,” I said, knowing he was now twenty-one.
“Sure. Why not.”
It wasn’t a raving acceptance, but I’d take it. We went to the kitchen and I grabbed the pack of six bottles of beer from the refrigerator and then led him back to our sun porch that overlooked the canal with access to the Missouri River.
I continued to bide my time, shooting the breeze with him as he drank one and then a second beer. We sat on the couch together but with some distance between us. For him, I’m sure it was a normal visit. For me, my skin was crawling with agitation and pent up sexual frustration.
We’d just finished talking about my upcoming high school graduation and my plans for the fall, when I asked him, “Was Dina Markem really your first?”
His head jerked back in surprise. “Ah…how’d you know that?”
“My room is next to Auggie’s and I remember hearing you guys talk about your conquests. Or you talk about yours, since Auggie didn’t really have any.”
“Why are you asking me about this?”
“She was older than you, but still what…sixteen, seventeen?”
He studied me. “Something like that. Why?”
“Do you suppose most people graduate from high school having lost their virginity? I mean, even Auggie got laid before he left high school.”
“I’m sure there are some who wait. What’s going on here, April?”
I looked down, knowing that my next words would either scare him away or hopefully have him help put me out of my misery.
“I still have my V-card.” I slanted my gaze toward him to see what he thought about that.
“There’s no shame in that, April. I won’t deny that sex is great, but it’s something you need to be ready for.” He took a long sip of his beer.
I reached over and got another bottle for him.
“That’s the thing, Jude. I feel ready. And I really don’t want to go to college as a virgin.”
He took the bottle I handed to him and set it on the table beside the couch. “That’s not a good enough reason to fuck.”
My girly parts lit up at his use of the word fuck. I wondered if he talked dirty like that when he was doing the deed.
“You should have feelings for the guy and he should have feelings for you. Respect you.”
“Do you respect me, Jude?”
He blinked at me a bit stunned. “Well, yes but—”
Taking a chance, I moved closer to him. “I want you to be my first.”
“Ah hell, April. I’m….ah…that’s really sweet but I can’t.”
“Why? Are you seeing someone already?” I tried to push away the embarrassment and disappointment.
“Well…no. But you’re August’s sister. I couldn’t do that to him.”
I pursed my lips. “First, you’re not doing it to him, you’re doing it to me. Second, if my brother respects and trusts you, then that makes you the perfect candidate, doesn’t it?”
He shifted, tugging at the pant leg of his jeans. I saw a long ridge and realized that his dick was hard. I gasped at the idea of that. He was turned on by me.