I didn’t even belong to a book club or female empowerment group, although I was ready to find one to help me deal with my brother. During the time I had a regular job at the restaurant, I usually told him I was with my best friend, Petal. Now when I was out, I usually really was with Petal, as she owned her own cupcake shop and hired me to help with her books. Most often, Maya was with me when I was at Petal’s helping decorate cupcakes. Right now, all my extra money came from that work. Between my job and the work that I did for Petal, I could live on my own. But part of the family trust was mine too, and maybe it was time to start demanding my share from August.
“I’ve gotta run. See you all later,” Auggie stuffed my sandwich in his mouth and waved to Maya who waved back.
“I’m done mama,” Maya said, pushing her plate away.
“Clear it off. Then we can go outside if you want.” When August and I were kids, my dad had built us a large playground in the backyard. As we got older, it didn’t get used, but my parents left it.
“Someday you’ll have kids of your own, and it will make them want to come to grandma and grandpa’s house to play,” my mother used to say.
She was right. Her grandchild did love to play there. It was sad that my parents didn’t get to see it.
Maya threw her lunch scraps in the trash and set her plate on the counter by the sink. “Mommy, are we going to move?”
I opened the back door for her. “I don’t know, baby. Maybe. I think it would be nice if you and I had our own place, don’t you?”
“But then uncle Auggie would be all alone.”
I sighed, happy that my daughter had such a sweet heart. “Auggie has his own life. We can still come and see him though.”
She ran off to the swings and I took a seat in one of the lounge chairs. I watched for a moment feeling a little guilty for fussing about my life. I had more than many. Still, I didn’
t feel in control of my own destiny. The only time I had was when I was eighteen and finally won Jude’s heart and planned for college.
“Look at me mama!” Maya gripped the chain of the swing and pulled as it swung forward. She had the most beautiful smile, filled with joy as the wind and sun hit her face.
“I see you baby. Are you having fun?”
“Weeeee.”
She continued to swing a few minutes and then jumped off and ran to me. “Mama, how come Uncle Auggie isn’t my daddy? Kids are supposed to live with their mommy and daddy.”
My stomach clenched. I hated it when conversations of her father came up. I couldn’t tell her he didn’t want us but I didn’t want to lie either.
“Auggie is my brother. That makes him your uncle. We all live in grandma and grandpa’s house because we’re a family. And families come in all shapes and sizes.”
“Could he be my daddy?”
“Ah…no. He’s your uncle. But he does lots of things like a daddy.” I had a lot of problems with Auggie, but he was here for us and he was very good with Maya. I wondered if Maya was on to something being concerned about him being alone if we left. Was that why he was insistent on us staying? Because he didn’t want to be alone?
She leaned against me. “Sometimes I wish I had a real daddy.”
“I know baby.” Sometimes I wished I could give her one. I wondered what Jude would think if he saw her. Would he see himself in her blue eyes and amazing smile? Would he encourage her athleticism that she certainly got from him, as I had two left feet.
Again, I had a niggle of concern that I needed to talk to him about Maya. He had rights and responsibilities. But what if he rejected her again? I could force a paternity test and take him to court, but to what end? I didn’t care about or need money. I wanted to give my daughter a father. Preferably one who wanted to be a father. To that end, Auggie fit the bill. He’d been there for me when I was struggling to deal with my parents’ deaths, Jude leaving, and then being pregnant. He’d probably agree with me that going after Jude for some sort of childcare was a waste of time. So again, I settled on keeping Maya away from him. I’d also have to keep him away from Auggie too, who’d might not go after him for childcare, but would likely attack him for not stepping up and being a man when I wrote him and told him about the baby. Then again, I think Auggie was glad Jude didn’t come back.
“Do you want to see how fast I am mama?”
I was glad she was leaving the conversation about her father behind. “I do. But don’t run so fast that I can’t see you.”
She grinned. “Okay.” She trotted off to one side of the yard. She got into her running stance and she shot off like the wind. Her father had been fast and sure on his feet. The Jude I’d fallen for in high school would have been out here coaching her and encouraging her to run like the wind. My heart broke that she wouldn’t have that. I’d have to find a way to make it up to her because Maya deserved all the support and happiness in the world.
5
Jude
Cyrus and I spent the weekend preparing the office to open on Monday. I thought we might have a little more time to get the furniture set, the electronic gadgets working, and the computer system in place, but Cyrus had already gotten us a client who’d be coming first thing Monday morning. To be honest, I was glad for the hard work. It distracted me from thoughts of April because the more idle time that passed, the more obsessed I seemed to be getting about her.
On Saturday during our lunch break, I strolled down to the restaurant hoping to see her. When she wasn’t there, I showed up again at dinner time. I nonchalantly asked about her and was told she didn’t actually work there all the time. The night before, she was just covering for someone. So that was it. She was gone like the wind again. Oh sure, I could go out to her family’s home to see if she was still there. I could look her up in the directory. As much as I wanted to do all that, I remembered she’d left me. After eight years, I was a blip in her past. I sat in my office, and pulled out the letter I’d received from her that told me it was over. She was so done with me that she’d typed it. The only personal bit of herself that she’d added was her signature.