“What are you talking about?” His hands were on his waist. His brows furrowed into a single line like he truly had no clue what I was saying.
“You never answered my letters? You never called or wrote or anything.”
His expression of confusion morphed into anger. “You mean you wanted me to write back after I got the letter where you told me it was over? When you said you didn’t love me and to never contact you again? Is that the letter you’re talking about? You have some fucking nerve, April.”
It was my turn to be confused. “I never wrote a letter breaking up with you.”
“Think again, sweetheart.” He pulled out his wallet, opened it, and pulled out a folded piece of paper. It was worn, and partially torn along the fold, like he’d been carrying it there for a while. He handed it to me.
I looked at him. He nodded for me to read it. My eyes scanned the computer typed letter that said exactly what he’d told me it said. My name was signed at the bottom. It was similar to my signature, but not exact.
“I figured you meant it when you didn’t add the little heart over the ‘I’ in your name like you used to when you wrote me notes,” he said, his voice filled with restrained hurt and anger.
“I didn’t write this,” I said, trying to wrap my brain around it as I handed it back to him. “I wrote others. Several others. I even tried to text and email, but they came back.” I kept the content of the letters to myself as I grappled with what he was saying. Of the magnitude of this situation if it was true.
“This is all I got. And I did text you my new phone and
email, but my messages were blocked. That and this letter told me you were done with me.”
I sank into the chair in his office, as realization dawned. “August.” The only explanation was August had interfered. He could have intercepted my letters. He managed the cell phone account and would have been able to block anything from Jude. And it appeared that he forged a letter to Jude from me. Of all the things I believed August would do, this never, ever crossed my mind. I felt like I was punched in the gut.
“Fuck!” Jude paced running his hands through his hair.
That was my feeling too. But while the origin of our estrangement wasn’t what I’d thought it was, it didn’t change that we were no longer together.
Right behind the shock of August’s betrayal was the realization that Jude hadn’t ever asked about the baby I’d written him about because he never got the letter. He didn’t know I’d been pregnant. He didn’t know about Maya. I needed to tell him, but I was so emotionally raw that I couldn't manage the words.
“I should wring his neck,” Jude was saying in a rant about August.
I swallowed as I worked to bring my emotions under control. “What’s done is done. It’s over now.”
He turned to me and for a minute, I thought he was going to be angry at me. But then his eyes softened and he came to me. He squatted down in front of me, putting his hands on the arms of the chair as he looked at me. “I don’t want it to be over April. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
He looked sincere, and my heart desperately wanted to believe him. I wanted to fall into his arms and take what he was offering. But August’s deception went deeper than Jude even knew, and I had some serious thinking to do.
“I need to go.” I was glad that Petal had offered to pick up Petal from camp today. At the time, I was appreciative because while watching surveillance tapes was tedious, it felt important and I appreciated that Jude and Cyrus entrusted me with the task. Now I was glad because I’d need time to get my overwhelming emotions in order before seeing Maya.
I could see in his eyes he didn’t want me to go, but he nodded and rose, holding his hand out to me. I took it and let him help me up.
His hand caressed my face. “I never stopped thinking of you.” He leaned forward, giving me a soft kiss that made my heart weep for all that we’d lost.
“I need to think about all this.”
He nodded.
I rushed out, and left the office, sucking in the fresh air wishing it would clear out the torment in my mind. I drove out to the park by the river and simply sat as I considered what August had done. It wasn’t just that he’d kept me and Jude apart, which wasn’t surprising. What really shocked, saddened and pissed me off was that he’d known that Jude was Maya’s father, and he’d still made sure Jude stayed away and never knew about her. August had done some questionable things in the past, but this, purposefully keeping a man away from his child, that seemed heinous for him. And poor Maya had gone all these years without a father. I wanted to drive over and throttle August.
Instead, I drove back to Petal’s place.
“Long day at the office?” Petal said with an eye waggle suggesting she guessed I’d had sex with Jude. Then she frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you over copious amounts of wine. First, where’s Maya?”
“She just got out of a tub full of bubbles and is putting on her pajamas.” Petal pulled out wine from the refrigerator.
“Thank you for picking her up and taking care of her. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I gave her a hug.
“Hey, of course. It’s nothing. I love that kid, you know that. And I love you. So, whatever is going on, we’ll get through it.”