“Can I, mama?”
“Yes, baby,” April said, her gaze looking a bit shell shocked as she watched me.
The little girl went with Petal to the back of the bakery.
“You’re a mom,” I said feebly.
She nodded.
“You never mentioned it.”
She simply stared for a moment and then sighed. “Do you want to take a walk at the park?”
An unsettled feeling moved through me, but I nodded. “Yeah, sure.” I held the door open for her and followed her out. We walked the two blocks to the park in silence.
When we got there, I couldn’t take it anymore. “What’s the big secret, April? After your letter, I didn’t think you were waiting for me. I suspect there were many men in college who were attracted to you.” I had no idea how to judge the age of kids, but if I were to guess, I’d say she probably got pregnant in college.
She stopped and looked down. “August messed everything up, Jude.”
My jaw tightened as anger roared through me again. “I know.”
She shook her head and looked down. “You don’t know. Not the extent of it.”
“So, tell me,” I said, feeling a little bit like the ground underneath me was crumbling.
She closed her eyes for a moment like she was gathering strength. Then she looked up at me. “Maya, that’s my daughter, she’s seven.”
I waited for the punchline but she just stared at me.
“Jude. You’re Maya’s father.”
I staggered back as I felt like I’d been kicked in the chest. “What?”
She nodded.
It took a moment for me to find my bearings or at least to wrap my head around what she said.
I stepped up to her. “Why didn't you tell me?” Anger and pain like I’d never felt, not even when I got that letter from her, lanced through me, gutting me.
“I did. But August…”
“I’ve been here for a while. You fucking work for me, and didn’t bother to mention it.” Jesus, the ground was falling away.
“I thought you got my letter about the pregnancy and didn’t want me or the baby. August told me you probably thought I was lying so you’d come home.”
“August! After what he did? You knew I was leaving to make something of myself because he didn’t think I was good enough for you. I did it because I did want you.” I shook my head, wondering how she could have doubted me. Yes, I doubted her, but I’d gotten a fucking letter.
“My trust was misplaced, but how was I to know that, Jude? He’s my brother. My parents had just died. He was all I had.”
“No!” I jabbed my finger into my chest. “You had me.” I turned and paced as I worked to control the overwhelming emotions roaring through me.
“When you didn’t ask about it since coming home again, I figured you’d forgotten or August was right in that you thought I was lying.”
I whirled on her. “First, why would I ever believe you’d lie to me? I loved you.” I scoffed as I realized that she sort of had lied. At least a lie of omission upon my return. “It didn’t occur to you that I didn’t ask because I didn’t know?”
She shook her head. “I had no way of knowing that you didn’t get my letters.”
“Oh, I got your letter…”