Eight Long Years (Heart of Hope 5)

I took her hand and walked with her toward the park bench where I saw Jude sitting, his forearms on his thighs, his head bent looking toward the ground. I took a breath and crossed my fingers that this went well.

19

Jude

I had experienced pain in my life. Up until today, I’d thought the worst had been getting that letter from April telling me she didn’t love me anymore. Learning that she hadn’t sent it, had lessened the pain of it, and gave me hope that she and I could find our way back to each other.

But learning I was kept from learning about my child; that pain was beyond anything I’d ever felt in my life. All I could think about was how much I missed of Maya’s life. Especially after seeing the pictures of April pregnant, the tiny life she held in her hands after Maya was born, and then watching her grow in pictures. I hadn’t been there for her first steps. I hadn’t reassured her on her first day of school.

I understood that April believed I’d received her letter about being pregnant and had chosen to ignore it. While it ticked me off that she thought I was the type of person who’d do that, I understood it because I’d fallen for the break up letter August had forged.

But I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that now I was back in town, she hadn’t said anything. Even if I was an asshole that had denied his child, she should have said something.

All that was running through my head as I sat on the park bench waiting to meet my child. Fucking A…my child. My heart was so filled with love for a being I’d seen but never met. I was also terrified that she’d be angry at me for not being there all these years. Or maybe she wouldn’t like me.

I needed to put that aside and focus on the positive. I was a father about to meet his precious child.

Movement in front of me had me lifting my head. April approached holding Maya’s hand. Maya’s eyes watched me in a way that had me thinking April had told her what was going on.

I stood, taking in a deep breath as they drew closer.

“Maya, this is Ju—this is your father.”

Holy shit, I’d never felt like a moment mattered so much in my life. I squatted down so I could look into Maya’s eyes.

“Hi Maya.” I managed, unsure as to what to say.

“Hi.” She bit her lip.

Being the adult, I figured it was my job to carry this conversation. “I’m so happy to see you, honey.” She was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen. The idea that I’d helped create this precious being filled me with awe.

“My mommy says you didn’t know about me. That’s why you’ve been gone.”

“That’s right. If I’d known, I’d have been here day one.” God, I hoped she believed me. “Now that I do know about you, I’m here. I’m so happy to be your father.”

“Where were you?”

“I was a soldier.”

Her eyes widened. “Were you in a war?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

She stepped closer to me, her blue eyes, the one thing I noticed that she had of me, studied me. “You’re brave and strong.”

I didn’t feel brave or strong at the moment. “I try to be.”

“Are you fast? I like to run and I can run fast.”

I smiled as the tightness of worry in my chest loosened. “I’m pretty fast, although I don’t know if I’m as fast as you.”

“She takes after you,” April said. “She’s smart and athletic.”

“I’m going to the Olympics,” Maya said.

I arched a brow. “I don’t doubt it.”

“Do you want to see how fast I am?” Maya asked.