“Not anymore I’m not.” It was the first time I realized that was true. I’d been bitter about Lora for a long time, but now I hardly thought about her. That was Petal’s doing. I supposed I should be grateful that she’d helped me get over Lora. But how the hell was I going to get over thinking dirty thoughts about Petal?
“Is there someone else?” my mother asked, her voice hopeful.
“No.” Sure, under different circumstances, I might ask Petal out and see what could happen. But she was my friend. She was Jude and April’s friend. It just seemed like I had a lot to lose if it didn’t go well.
“Then what could it hurt to see Lora?”
“I’m not averse to seeing her, but we won’t be getting back together, mom. It’s over. And you know what, maybe it’s the right thing.”
My mother furrowed her brows. “Why would you say that? You loved her. You wanted to marry her.”
“She didn’t love me enough to stay faithful and while I’m not seeing anyone else, I have been tempted by another woman, and I’m not sure that temptation wouldn’t have been there if I had married Lora.”
“Oh?”
“If Lora was the one, that wouldn’t happen.” Especially with the force and intensity of attraction I had to Petal.
She put her hand over mine. “If you and Lora were together, you wouldn’t be tempted. It only happened because you’re free now. Because
it’s okay.”
I wasn’t so sure. Of course, if I was married to Lora, I’d have never met Petal, so maybe my mom was right. But I had met Petal. I’d tasted her sweet pussy and fucked her like I was never going to be able to fuck again. It still rattled me how intense it was. How after coming so hard, she’d got my dick full and erect almost immediately again. It wasn’t the first time I’d been able to perform more than one time in a night, but I’d never recovered that fast before. And truth be told, had she taken me to her bed, I’d have probably been able to do it again. My libido seemed to be addicted to her.
Even so, it was best for all of us if she and I stayed friends. She needed to find a nice young man, that wasn’t Lyle or Jacob or Conner, and settle down. I could see her in a cozy home, not unlike my own, making cupcakes, kissing her husband as he went off for work, his patting her belly round with a child.
I jerked and stood quickly grabbing my plate and taking it to the kitchen as I realized the image was in my house and I was the man kissing her goodbye and patting her belly. No, god dammit, it needed to be another man. But even as I tried to picture it, jealousy roiled in my gut.
“What’s wrong,” my mother asked.
“Nothing,” I grumbled. “On Monday, I’m taking you to the doctor.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but I glared at her. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Not when her health was at stake.
On Monday, my mother was able to get an appointment with her doctor that afternoon. Wanting to be sure she went to it; I drove her there and sat in the waiting room reading an old fishing magazine while she was attended to.
Tossing the magazine aside, I checked my watch to see how long it had been since she’d been called in to see him. I realized that now was the time I would normally be walking into Petal’s for my cupcake and coffee. A wave of guilt rolled through me that I wasn’t there. Would she think I was avoiding her? That I regretted our night together? Fuck, I was an asshole. Yes, I was avoiding her but that was because I couldn’t deal with being around her and wanting her so much. Especially now that I’d had her. I’d do anything to have more.
I considered calling her to tell her I was in Chicago, but the door opened and my mother came out.
I stood. “Well? Are you okay?”
She held herself up straight and I got the feeling she was trying to be strong. “He’s ordering some tests for later this week.”
“Okay.” I didn’t like that.
“Just to rule things out,” she said, smiling at me. But it wasn’t a reassuring smile.
“Like what things?” I asked as I walked her back to the car and helped her in.
“Just regular things. Say, let’s go to Hendersons for ice cream. Remember when we used to do that when you were a kid.”
I started the car and pulled away from the curb with a glance at her. “Yes.”
“I’d save up all the coins I’d gather for the month and we’d get ice cream.”
It was a reminder of how poor we’d been and how hard she’d worked to support me as a single mom. I wished I was in a position to return the favor and support her fully. I probably could if she moved to South Dakota. The cost of housing was so much less there than here in Chicago. I could get her an apartment not far from me so she’d have her own space.
I decided I’d research that when I got home, but wouldn’t mention it now. I’d wait to learn the outcome of her tests first.