I jerked back and stepped away. Guilt flooded my chest although I wasn’t sure if it was for accidentally giving her the impression I still wanted her or feeling like I’d betrayed Petal.
“I’m sorry…” She stepped back. “I thought…”
“No.” Now I felt guilt for her embarrassment. “Lora—”
She stepped close to me again, pressing her hands on my chest, confusing me. Was she retreating or going to try again. Was I sending her the wrong signals?
“Cy I know I messed up. I was lonely and missing you.”
I bit back the retort about dealing with her missing me by letting another man fuck her. “I’m not angry anymore,” I said instead. “But I have moved on.”
She looked up at me, her eyes were sad. “You’ve met someone else?”
Technically, Petal wasn’t someone else. She was my friend. At the same time, the only woman I wanted to spend time with, was Petal. So, I nodded. “Yes.”
She gave me a wan smile as she stepped back. “I’m happy for you.” She went and got her purse. All of a sudden, I was afraid she wouldn’t be here to help me with my mom.
“I’m sorry Lora.”
“No. It’s my fault. But you should tell your mom. She’s worried about leaving you alone.”
My eyes narrowed. “Is that what that kiss was about? You’re trying to appease my mom?”
She gave a soft laugh. “No. I regret letting you go. Of course, she encouraged me, but I can see I don’t have a chance. But you should tell her about your new relationship as it will ease her worry.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“I’ll be back tomorrow.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. I reminded myself that despite what had happened, Lora was a good person.
“Thank you, Lora.”
She gave me a wave and headed out.
I ate my sandwich, checked on my mom, and then went to bed. I replayed the scene in the kitchen, with Lora kissing me. I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t have stopped her. Maybe I should pursue a reconciliation. Lora was here in Chicago. My mother liked her. I could return and be a family like I’d once planned. Like my mother seemed to desperately want for me.
But Petal…fuck I couldn’t stop thinking of her. Entertaining the idea of taking Lora back made me sick to my stomach with guilt.
I picked up my cell phone, but it was dead. I plugged it in and then grabbed my mom’s cordless phone from the kitchen, went to my room, lay on the bed, and called Petal.
“Hey. You got there alright?” Her sweet voice was like a balm on my tortured soul.
“Yeah.”
“And your mom. How is she?”
I propped myself up against my pillows. “She looks like hell, Petal. Jesus.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I was there to hug you.”
I let out a small laugh. “I do too.” I needed a distraction. I needed something else in my brain besides my mother’s gaunt face. “What are you wearing?”
There was silence for a minute. “My apron. Just my apron.”
I closed my eyes trying to imagine it. Appreciating that it probably wasn’t true but she was trying to make me feel better.
“I bet you look great,” I said.