“Or I’ll bring you there. Somehow, you can meet her,” I reassured her.
My mother smiled. “How are you, Cy? Are you alright with this?”
I nodded. The ramifications started to sink in deeper. “I’m going to be a dad.”
My mother laughed. “Yes, you are. And I hope you have a son as wonderful as the one I had.”
30
Petal
I was glad to have April and Maya over, although it didn’t ease my pain or guilt about Cy. I understood why he was angry. I’d have been too. I did try to call, but after that, I clearly hadn’t tried hard enough. At the time, my reasons made sense. But he was right in that I shouldn’t have been making those decisions about what he could manage or how a baby would impact his life.
“Petal, look at my fingernails.” Maya held up her hands and wiggled her fingers.
“Oh look, a different color on every finger. How psychedelic.” I smiled, although I didn’t feel any sense of happiness.
“Mama has red and green for Christmas.”
April waggled her fingers at me. I looked down at my hands. I’d managed a blue that at the time I thought would fit for winter, but now I realized it was for my mood.
They’d shown up a couple of hours ago with pizza, ingredients to make cookies, and spa items for pedicures and manicures. We were sitting on the floor after doing our toenails, finishing up our fingernails.
“Hey baby, why don’t you go see if those cookies we took out of the oven are ready to eat,” April said.
“’K.” Maya jumped up and rushed to my kitchen.
“Are we making it worse?” April asked.
“Worse?”
April sighed. “You’re not really with us. What can we do to help?”
“I’m sorry.” Crap, I was failing at being a friend too. “I just…I should have tried harder to reach him.”
“You know, Jude was angry at me when he found out about Maya. It was heartbreaking to see his pain and to lose him right when I was realizing just how much I still loved him.”
“Yeah, well, he loved you too. That’s why you’re together now and have Maya and Bertie.” I squeezed her arm careful not to smudge my nail polish. “I’m so happy for you.”
She put her arm around me, apparently not worried about her polish. “The point is, after a little time, his anger and pain waned and he forgave me. His love for us overcame that. Give Cy some time.”
I pulled away from her. “It’s not the same.” I stood and walked to the front window overlooking the quiet city street. “We were friends. He doesn’t love me.”
“I don’t buy it.”
I glanced over my shoulder at April, who leaned against the couch and sipped her wine. I couldn’t drink it so I gave it to her.
“I don’t know what to tell you, April. We’d agreed to friends with benefits—”
“I know what you agreed to. But you didn’t hold your part of the bargain, why would you think he would?”
“Because he left.”
She rolled her eyes. “His mother is seriously ill, Petal. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you.”
“I didn’t say he didn’t care. I said he wasn’t in love with me.”
April pursed her lips. She looked like she was going to say something, but wasn’t sure if she should.