His mother was a joy. She seemed weak in body, her mind and spirit were strong. It was clear she loved Cyrus and did a tremendous job raising him all on her own. Even with Cyrus away in a different state, I knew I wouldn’t be completely alone in raising this child.
I wondered if things would have been different if I’d tried harder, sooner to tell him about the baby? Or if I’d told him before that how I felt. The unknown factor for me was in how he felt. He was a good person who was going to do the right thing by me and the baby. He was clearly attached to the baby already, but I didn’t know how he felt about me. Was I still just a friend that he accidentally got pregnant? Was I more? Was I now less because he felt I betrayed him?
“Would you like something to drink?” the flight attendant asked me.
I shook my head, keeping my gaze out the window so she wouldn’t see my tears. “No thank you.”
A few hours later, we landed and I made my way through the airport. When I got to the front, Jude was waving at me and I remembered that Cy said he’d be picking me up.
“Hi Petal.”
“Jude, hi.”
“April had a thing with Maya and she asked that I pick you up. How was your trip?”
I studied Jude, wondering how he felt about Cyrus knocking me up. He didn’t look upset. “It was very nice. Cyrus has a lovely mother.”
“Is she getting better?” He took my suitcase and walked with me out the front doors. The blast of cold hit me, shocking me out of the warm lethargy being on the plane had given me.
“I don’t know. She seemed weak, but Lora said everything was going as it should.”
He stopped short and looked at me. “Lora? As in his ex?”
I nodded. “She’s a nurse and has been helping them.” I tried to smile so he’d think that was a good thing.
“Are she and Cy…?” He let the statement drift off.
“He says they aren’t. So does his mom.” I looked down not sure if I should tell him this. Finally, I said, “She still loves him though. I can tell.”
“What about Cy?” He continued to the car.
“He says it’s over between them.” Right as I said that, I wondered if that’s what he meant. Maybe he wasn’t asking about the relationship with Lora, but Cy’s state of mind in general. “He seems okay. He’s worried about his mom and I think he’s torn between feeling a duty to her and to me.”
Jude opened the passenger door for me. “I don’t envy him. Cy is an honorable guy. He’d definitely feel that way.”
He got into the driver’s seat and pulled away from the curb. “How about you, Petal? How are you doing?”
“Oh I’m fine.”
He glanced at me for a second. “April is worried about you.”
“My doctor said I was fine. I feel fine.”
He didn’t say anything for a minute. “I think she’s more worried about you emotionally.” He paused again. “I know it’s none of my business but wha
t is going on with you and Cy? I was told you’re just friends, but now there’s a baby involved.”
“We’re still friends.” I looked out the window as another wave of tears threatened.
“Will he be coming back to Bismarck when his mother is better?”
“I don’t know. But I don’t need him to raise this baby.”
His jaw tightened. “It’s not about what you need Petal.” He looked at me and his eyes were fierce. “I missed out on seven years of Maya’s life. April didn’t need me. She had you and August, but I’d do anything to have those years.”
I nodded, cursing myself for my insensitivity. “I’m not keeping Cyrus from the baby. But things are different between us. You and April were in love. Cy and I are just friends.”
“Are you sure about that?”