Pregnant.
How could this happen? I did everything right! I was on the pill. I was an intelligent, independent woman. This had to be a mistake.
I needed another
test. I pulled myself together and headed back outside. I started toward the pharmacy, but then worried about buying a second kit. What if it said the same thing as the first?
I took a seat on a bench in the grassy area around city hall and pulled out my phone. I pulled up the telehealth information from my health insurance provider, and, making sure no one in the area could hear me, called. It took a few minutes, but finally I was on the line with a nurse.
I explained my situation; I was on the pill, but was a week late on my period and just had a positive pregnancy test. “The test has to be wrong, right?”
“Not necessarily. You’re more likely to get a false negative this early than a false positive. You should visit your doctor to be sure though.”
“I’m on the pill.” I felt like I was whining but come on, an unplanned pregnancy wasn’t something that would happen to me.
“Have you been taking it regularly? Same time, every day?” the nurse asked me.
“Yes. Of course.” My tone sounded like, “duh,” because I absolutely took it the same time every day. I was the type of person people could set their clocks to.
“Have you been on antibiotics or other medication recently?”
“No.” I worked to keep the panic at bay. I didn’t need the townspeople of Salvation to see me completely lose it.
“Do you take anything else?”
I scanned my brain. I hadn’t been sick. I’d had a few headaches, but Ryder had soothed those with sex. God damn him.
“Supplements?” she prodded.
“Oh, uh, I take St. John’s Wort,” I said. But a natural remedy to help my moods couldn’t be a problem. Could it?
The sound the nurse made suggested maybe it could. “You need to see your doctor to verify the pregnancy or rule it out.”
Oh God. “Are you saying St. John’s Wort could have caused this?”
“Sex caused it,” the nurse said. “But St. John’s Wort can negate the effectiveness of birth control.”
That couldn’t be right. Was this lady a real nurse? “I’ve been taking both for years.”
“Have you been having sex for years?”
I closed my eyes, feeling completely defeated. “No.”
“See your doctor. It sounds like this isn’t a planned pregnancy—”
“No.”
“Find out for sure if you’re pregnant first. Worry about the ramifications of it once you know whether you’re really pregnant or not.”
I finished the call and just sat for a moment. How could this happen? To me of all people. Everything I did was well orchestrated. I was always prepared. It didn’t make sense that the world would throw me for a loop when I’d been so careful.
I pushed everything away. It was a skill I learned growing up to deal with my father. Panic and upset were the enemies of getting over problems. The same was true now. I needed to be calm.
I stood and went back into the building. With my eyes forward and my intention ready to focus on work, I went to my desk.
Sinclair came out of her office and walked to me. “There you are. Everything okay?”
I plastered on a smile. “Yep.” I could feel tears starting to well in my eyes. I willed them to stop.