I shrugged. “I suppose it’s part of who I am the same way you are the way you are.”
Her head plopped against my shoulder. “I’m not mom material.”
“That’s bullshit.”
She jerked up at me. “I’m not. You know I’m not. I always see the world with the glass half full. That’s what Sinclair says. I know she’s right. I just can’t afford to be all Pollyanna like you and her.”
“Well, the thing is, your half-empty glass and my half-full glass make a one-hundred-percent full glass.” I smiled, willing her to let some of her worry go. Not all of it. It was in her nature to be on guard, but she didn’t need to keep being in a tizzy about this. We’d figure it out.
“You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?” I asked.
“Making it seem like this isn’t that big of a deal. It feels monumental to me.”
I tugged her in closer. “It is a big deal, Trina. We’ve made a life. It’s a big responsibility and despite what you think of me, I can be responsible. But it’s also exciting. Will she have red hair like you? Will she be organized and efficient, like you? Will she like music, like me?”
“It could be a boy.”
“It could be. Won’t it be an adventure to find out what sort of person we made?”
She rested against me, her tension easing. Her breathing slowed. “I’m scared.”
“Me too, but we’re not alone,” I said again. “It’s like a roller coaster. Scary, thrilling, fun—”
“Dangerous.”
I laughed and kissed her on the head. “I’ll take the kid on the coasters then.”
She looked up at me. “You really feel okay with this?”
I nodded. “I really do.
”
I studied her eyes. They were red from crying. They looked tired too. I remembered Sinclair being really tired when she’d been pregnant with Alyssa.
“Why don’t you eat some dinner? I’ll reheat it and then you go to bed. You and Katrina Junior need nourishment and rest.”
Her lips twitched up into a small smile, giving me hope that we’d get through this.
20
Trina
Ryder’s lackadaisical way of going through life notwithstanding, I was having a hard time understanding how he was so calm about all this. Babies changed everything. In an instant, all my plans for the future were gone. Not that I had anything significant, but I liked having a steady predictable life. That was gone. Ryder took with a shrug and a smile. It was a characteristic that normally would irk the hell out of me, but right now, when I felt like my entire world was upside down, it was nice to have his calming demeanor.
He reheated the lasagna, which was perfect. Kids liked lasagna, right? Then I shook my head at the thought of us with a kid eating Italian because this marriage was fake. Baby or no baby, in a day I’d be back at my own place. We’d have to work out a co-parenting schedule. I hoped the kid liked take-out because that’s what it would get at my house.
He put me in his bed and appeared to be prepared to leave, but I needed his comfort, so I asked him to stay. With a smile, he climbed in next to me and pulled me close.
“I know you’re worried, but it’s going to be fine,” he said, softly, calmly.
Okay, that statement did irk more than comfort. “You don’t know that, Ryder.”
“What’s going to go wrong?” he asked.
“Maybe it will be born with a congenital problem. Maybe it will hate me.”