“Good.” She looked at Wyatt with such love and adulation. I wondered if my child would look at me that way. “Can I ride, daddy?”
“Go saddle up Lilibud,” Wyatt said with the same love in his eyes.
I realized that this was what I wanted. A family. A wife I could love and a child to spoil. But I didn’t want just any wife. As crazy it was, I wanted Trina. Yes, she was difficult, but I liked her fire and spirit. I like how when she wasn’t busy keeping the world in order or away, she’d open up to me. If she could ever trust me, we could be happy. I might be carefree in life, but I was solid and steadfast. If she could look past her perceived notions of me and really see me, she’d know that she didn’t need to feel alone in the world. She could rely on me. I just needed to figure out how to make her see that life with me wouldn’t be chaotic and unpredictable like it had been for her growing up.
My last plan hadn’t worked fully, but we’d had a glimpse of how we could be together. I just needed a new plan now to get us across the finish line.
22
Trina
I’d have liked to say that pregnancy put me in a foul mood, but I knew it wasn’t true. No one else would buy it either. I had the ability to be irritatingly grumpy even without hormones raging in my body. I was antsy, uncomfortable, and scared to death due to my life being in a complete upheaval. I imagined Ryder didn’t feel any of those things, which annoyed me even more. Did anything ever get that man going?
At one time, my work was the one place where I could be stern, direct, and sometimes bossy, and feel confident, but that had been waning as well. Now when I tried to give a direction or provide my opinion, I felt dismissed.
Today, I couldn’t find the information I needed to put together the agenda and report for the upcoming public works meeting for Sinclair. I was reviewing my emails to see if I missed something about it when Brooke came up to my desk.
“Trina, would you mind going over this agenda and report the mayor asked me to put together for him?” Brooke set a folder on my desk.
I wasn’t in the mood and didn’t have the time, but I’d vowed that morning to try and be more civil to Brooke. It was a vow I’d made every morning for the last week. For the most part, I thought I was failing.
I opened the folder and my brain about exploded. My gaze shot to hers. “What is this?” I demanded.
Before, when I’d use that tone, her eyes would widen and she’d shift uncomfortably. Now, she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin like she was ready for whatever I’d deliver. I’d admire this change in her if I didn’t dislike her so much.
“It’s for the upcoming public works meeting for the deputy mayor,” she said tersely.
“That’s my job.” Did the mayor really give away another of my jobs?
“The mayor has felt like you’ve been distracted lately, and of course with the baby, he wants to relieve you of too much stress. So, he asked me to do it. It would give me experience while taking a little off your plate. Win-win.”
It didn’t feel like winning. It felt like another ploy to slowly hand over my j
ob to his kid. “I don’t need items off my plate.” I ground out. At least I wasn’t yelling. “I need my job. I know you’re trying to take it from me—”
“I am not. I’m just doing what the mayor asks.”
I stood, my hands fisting at my sides. “I’m about to become a single mom. That last thing I need is for some silly child trying to take my job.”
Brooke stiffened. “And I don’t need a hostile workplace.”
“No, you don’t. I have the resignation paperwork if you want it.” In the back of my mind, I knew I was treading on thin ice. She was close to the mayor. Chances were, I’d be the one forced to leave.
She shook her head and turned to leave.
I sank into my chair as all the air left my body. I was exhausted. Worse, I was sure I’d overreacted but hadn’t been able to control it. Even at my worst before, I’d usually been able to hold on to some semblance of control, but now I felt completely unstable.
Inside, I was a kid again, wondering what was going to happen to me now that my mother was gone and my father couldn’t seem to cope with life. Now I was the one not coping. I pressed my hand over my belly as a new terror struck me; what if I was as bad of a parent as mine had been? This baby’s back up was Ryder, who while sweet and well-meaning, didn’t have his life all together either.
I rose and went to Sinclair’s office wondering if she’d see me. She was busy with her work, plus planning for her run for mayor. She had Wyatt and Alyssa. Plus, a supportive family. She didn’t need my drama. But she was all I had.
I knocked on her door. “You got a minute?”
She looked up at me. Her eyes were wary, a sure sign she was still mad at me for what I’d said about Ryder. Of course, it had been days since I walked away and he hadn’t once contacted me. I could understand that he wouldn’t want to see me, but we had a baby to think about. It was a reminder that I couldn’t count on him. I couldn’t count on anyone. Maybe not even Sinclair.
She inhaled a breath as if to calm herself. “What’s up?”
I came in and sat in the chair by her desk. “Do you think the quality of my work has fallen?”