“Thanks, Jeannette.”
I left her office and headed to the Salvation Station to start my shift. It would be my first as a partial owner. I should have been excited, but I felt like I was living in a heavy haze. I was sluggish and it seemed like all the color had left the world.
The next evening, I had a band practice for the upcoming Harvest Festival. They razzed me about playing for Stark, but thankfully weren’t angry about it. I considered the fact that Stark paid me a shitload of money, some of which would have been theirs if we’d gone as a band. They didn’t mention that, and I hoped it was because none of them would have agreed to the gig. I was the greedy asshole of the group.
The next day, I was on the night shift at the bar, and I did my best to be my same old self, but it was hard. When the after-dinner rush was over, I headed to the manager’s office to hide out.
A knock on my door had my heart doing a flip in hopes it was Trina. As I stood to get the door, I told my heart to shut the fuck up. It wouldn’t be her, and if it was, I didn’t want to see her.
I opened the door. “Sinclair.” See, not Trina.
She studied me. “Everyone is right. You look like shit. What happened?”
I turned away from the door and sat in my desk chair. “Just a lot going on.”
She sat in one of the other chairs in the office. “Bullshit.” She cocked her head to the side and her eyes turned worried. “I’m concerned, Ryder. It’s not like you to be like this. Did something happen with Trina?”
“No.” That was the problem, wasn’t it? Nothing happened with Trina, when I’d been ready to give her everything. I turned away and picked up a pencil mostly to look busy.
“Ryder. Please talk to me. I know it’s usual for me to be the listener and you the talker when all our lives you’ve been the one to be there for me. But I can see something’s wrong. Let me help. At least let me listen.”
I dropped the pencil and ran my hands over my face. “She thinks I’m a fucking loser.”
“Who? Trina?”
I nodded. “I don’t know why I thought I’d change her opinion of me.”
Sinclair’s eyes turned angry. “What did she do?”
“She told me I was a womanizer who was wasting my life and didn’t have what it took to be a good father.”
Sinclair shook her head, and I could see her anger churning up. “Why is she such a bitch sometimes?”
I suspected her upbringing had something to do with it, but I was tired of defending her.
“Did you tell her about the work on the house?”
I shook my head. “I never got that far. I told her I wanted her to come over. I wanted to surprise her, but she was immediately pushing me away, like she does, saying it would be a mistake.”
“What about buying into the restaurant? Your extra savings? Did you tell her about that?”
“I got angry.”
Sinclair’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “You? I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you angry.”
I shrugged. “She pushed me too far. Look, I know I’m not perfect, but I’m not worthless. That’s how I felt as she spoke. Like I was lower than pond scum.” I raked my hands through my hair. “Then again, there must be something wrong with me because I fell for her. Why would I love a woman who could treat me like that?”
Sinclair sighed and leaned back in her chair. “Because you always see more to people than what they show us. It’s your superpower.”
“That sounds nuts.”
She smiled at me. “Trina thinks you’re not stable, but the truth is, you’re very steady, at least in temperament and emotions. Most brothers would have been pissed their sister was sleeping with their best friend or their best friend was sleeping with their sister, but not you. You only cared if Wyatt and I were happy. Trina is a fucking nutcase sometimes, and yet, you see the pain she carries from her mother’s leaving and her father’s total ineptitude, and you want to soothe that for her.”
“Not anymore.”
Sinclair gave me a look like she didn’t believe me. “The thing is, what if she did reciprocate your feelings? Are you sure it’s love you feel and not pity?”
“Yes,” I bit out. “But she doesn’t reciprocate so it doesn’t matter.”