“Oh, baby. You okay?” I asked going to her and wiping her tears with my thumbs.
“Yes. No…I don’t know.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I pulled her to me. “What’s going on?”
“I’m so happy.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest. “But I don’t deserve this.”
“Yes, you do, and even if you didn’t, I want to give it to you.”
She tilted her head back. “I’m scared, Ryder.”
I studied her, not sure what she was saying. “Of me?”
“Of love. Of messing this up. Of you leaving.”
“I’m not leaving.”
She didn’t say it, but I could see in her eyes that she was saying, “You did before.”
I dropped my head to her forehead. “I love you, Trina. This is what I wanted from the moment I volunteered to be your fake husband. Before even. The other night at your place…I was hurt and angry—”
“For good reason. I don’t want to mess this up and, well, you know me. Chances are high that I’ll screw up.”
I smiled. “I do know you. And you know I can put up with a lot. I won’t be a doormat, but I understand you. And I hope that if you let me love you, you’ll learn to believe in it. I’m not your parents. You can trust me, Trina.”
She sniffed. “Sometimes you look like you’re weighing what to say to me in case I might go off. Don’t do that anymore. I need to learn to take it. I’ve been talking to a counselor.”
“Really?” That surprised me. Trina wasn’t one to show her innermost feeling. “And what have you gleaned?”
“She hasn’t really revealed anything new. I knew my parents fucked up giving me trust issues, but she has given me some tools to help me cope. I may need help with it though.”
“I’ll help you. Whatever you want or need, I want to give to you.” I kissed her forehead. “I’m glad to hear about the counseling. I want you to be happy.”
“I am.”
“There’s more to see, if you want.”
“More?”
I took her hand and led her out of the nursery and to my bedroom. A new headboard and bedding highlighted the bed in the room.
“My mom insisted women liked matching sheets along with matching plates. And lots of throw pillows,” I said with a nod toward the pile of pillows. “I don’t know. You didn’t strike me as a throw pillow person, but—”
“It’s lovely. You did a lot of work.”
I took a breath as I turned her to me. “For you, Trina. It may be too much too soon. You’ll tell me if it is, but I want you to be comfortable here. I want this to be your home too. You, me and baby.”
Her hand caressed my cheek. “I don’t get why such a sweet man wants me.”
I smiled. “Because I love you.”
She still hadn’t said to me, but I understood
it was something she might need to work up to. Right now, it was enough that she was here.
“Why?”
I laughed. “Because of your smart mouth.”