Was he right? I could see what he was saying. It didn’t take away the sting of rejection, but I supposed I’d ignored that he’d betrayed his own conscience twice.
“Maybe he does want me, but he doesn’t want to. He thinks he’s too old and that it would betray my father.”
“And yet, your father supported this crazy idea.”
“Yeah, but he thinks it’s all just a friendly arrangement. He told Mo that he trusted him with his baby.”
“Yikes.”
“Oh, Tucker. I don’t know what to do. I agreed to this arrangement, but it’s harder than I thought to live like this.”
“I’m coming to Salvation,” he said.
“To visit?” It was the best news I could get at that moment.
“Actually, I applied to the teaching job there. I’ve been thinking seriously about moving. Now that I know this little bumfuck town has so much drama and angst, I have to come. It will be like living in a soap opera.”
I laughed, even as I cried.
“Plus, my best buddy needs me.”
“I do need you,” I admitted. “You’re the best, Tucker.”
“But not good enough to win you, sweetheart.”
“You’ll meet someone else better for you. You don’t want this hot mess, anyway.”
He laughed. “I’m there for you, hot mess or not. Perhaps you can scout a place for me to move into.”
“Whatever you need. I’m here for you, too.”
As we hung up, I didn’t feel perfect, but I was happier. I’d been feeling so alone, which was weird, considering I was with family and friends. But because I had secrets to keep, I needed a friend, and Tucker was the best friend a girl could have. I hoped he liked it here in Salvation because I needed him more than ever.
15
Maurice
I supposed it was inevitable that Brooke would start to avoid me. I couldn’t blame her. In fact, a part of me was glad for it. Every time I was near her, I wanted to hold her and make the sadness in her eyes go away. The guilt that I was making her miserable was difficult to bear. But the alternative wasn’t any better. I couldn’t give into my own desire for her. It wouldn’t be fair to her. And, of course, it would betray my friendship with Frank, a man who trusted me to look out for his daughter, not fuck her.
I wished she’d find someone her own age, and yet, this fake marriage prevented her from doing what twenty-two-year-old women should be doing, dating and finding themselves. I should have heeded my concern before I married her, and yet, if we didn’t get married, Frank and Brooke would be forced to move.
So, she avoided me, and I avoided her. Of course, I was avoiding her because I didn’t trust myself around her. Twice now, I’d been unable to stop myself from touching her. So tonight, instead of heading home, I went to Frank’s place. Seeing him would bolster my resolve to not touch his daughter. Plus, I’d agreed to work with him on strategies to manage the ranch along with his money so he could avoid getting in trouble in the future.
We stood at the fence, watching the cattle as it grazed while the sun started setting. It was picture-perfect. Too bad my life was more like a Jackson Pollock painting, splattered and splotched.
“Life is pretty easy for them, don’t you think?” Frank asked, nodding to his cattle.
“Until we turn them to steaks and burgers.”
He laughed. “Yes, I guess that’s right. But while they’re living, they just mosey through life, don’t they? Not a care in the world.”
I shrugged. “I suppose they don’t have the angst and drama.” I wouldn’t mind a little bit of time to simply mosey and graze.
“Remember when we were younger, and we’d hang out, watching the cattle. We had such plans, didn’t we, Mo?”
“We sure did.” Frank was a few years older than me, but we’d been friends since we were boys. He helped me learn to ride and rope. He told me about girls. I’d been there when he met and fell hard for Laura Watson. He’d been there when I’d married Shelley and when she’d left.
Frank sighed. “Dreams, too. Mine came true for a short time.” I knew he was thinking of Laura. It was tragic that he’d lost her. They’d had a beautiful marriage. I’d hoped to have that with Shelley, but what we had wasn’t even close. I certainly didn’t have that with Brooke. Jesus, she deserved so much better than this. Frank and I both were selfish assholes to involve her in this scheme to save his farm.