“Then why were you telling him not to see someone?”
“We were reminiscing about old times and the dreams we had, which included families. He’s had to put that off by helping us. I want him to be happy, find a good woman, but of course, right now, that’s on hold. That’s all.”
I nodded, accepting his explanation.
“But it goes for you, too. You can’t be with your boyfriend—”
“Tucker isn’t my boyfriend. He’s a friend who happens to be a boy.”
My father stared at me like I was crazy. “What’s the difference?”
“We’re friends. That’s it.”
He shook his head. “You might be a friend, but trust me, young men can’t just be friends with beautiful, smart women.”
“Dad—”
“Don’t get me wrong. I like Tucker. I plan on accepting him into the family one day as my son-in-law.”
I gaped.
“But, right now, we’ve got to maintain this marriage ruse.”
I sighed. “That’s not a problem.”
“Maybe you should have him out here.”
“He’s moving to town to teach. He needs to get to know the area. Besides—” I started to tell him he had eyes for someone else.
“Okay. I know Mo has kept this marriage a secret, but if it got out and you were seen with—”
“It’s not a problem. How’re things with the cattle?”
I finally got my dad off the topic of Tucker and Mo. He told me about some of the changes they’d made in the ranch’s management, and I told him about work, leaving out my problems with Trina. Feeling like he was doing well even though he was alone on the ranch, I left to meet Tucker for dinner.
As I drove, I thought back to my dad talking about the dreams he and Mo shared. They’d wanted good women and families. My dad had hit the jackpot with my mom. Unfortunately, their love story ended too early, but I knew they’d had something special. Something I wanted, too. Honestly, I wanted it with Mo.
Mo, on the other hand, ended up with Shelley. Even as a teenager, I couldn’t ever figure out why he loved her. Had he just settled for her? Salvation was small, so there weren’t a lot of prospects for love. A huge number of people married their high school sweethearts. Sinclair and Wyatt were proof of that. Even Trina and Ryder, who I guess was the father of her baby, had grown up together. Perhaps Shelley was his best option, and he was for her.
I knew he planned to end his political career and go back to being a rancher. Did he still want a wife and family? I felt like I’d made it clear he could have that with me, but he couldn’t get beyond the issues he felt prevented that. Once again, I wondered if I could change his mind, or if I was wasting my time and bringing myself heartache by trying.
23
Maurice
I could feel my life unraveling. I tried to get rid of that feeling through beer and listening to old music, but I suspected that it was only making it worse. I might as well face it, all the problems in my life couldn’t be fixed through booze and music. Getting drunk wouldn’t make me younger or Brooke older. It wouldn’t change the fact that she was Frank’s daughter. And since most music was about heartbreak, I was pretty sure I was wallowing in self-pity as the words of love lost resonated in my chest.
Then, there was the whole issue with Stark. Why couldn’t that fucker get a clue and leave town? Surely there was some other place in Nebraska that would open their doors to his money. Why did he have such a hard-on for Salvation?
He’d called that afternoon, hassling me about getting in his way before and wanting me to pave the way for a new mayor of his choosing. That wasn’t going to happen. But there was a tone to his voice that suggested he’d be happy to ruin me to get what he wanted. Up until now, there hadn’t been any dirt that he could get to use against me. Now, I did have dirt. If he found out about Brooke, not just that I’d married her, but why and for what, I’d be the laughing stock of the town.
But if I was honest, the unsettled feeling really came from my relationship with Brooke. Once again, I’d fucked her when I shouldn’t have, but this time, I didn’t feel as guilty about it. Did that mean I was getting desensitized? Was I rationalizing being with her? Nothing had changed. She was still Frank’s daughter. I was still too old for her. So why had touching her today felt so right?
I sat on the couch as the old blues tunes washed over me and the beer buzz washed through me, wondering what the hell I was doing. Why was I in such a funk? Brooke. She wasn’t here with her bubbly spirit and sweet smile. Worse yet, she was out with that friend of hers who was better suited for her. He was closer to her age and handsome. I remembered Frank once thinking the young man would become his son-in-law.
Over my dead body, I thought. Then I groaned. Did I really think that? She wasn’t mine. Yes, we were married. Yes, I’d had sex with her a few times. But that didn’t make her mine. I didn’t own her. I had no right to ask her to stay home or dictate who she could hang out with.
At the same time, it felt so wrong that she wasn’t here. This was a new feeling for me, not just around Brooke, but at all. When Shelley started spending more time away from home, I’d felt relief. I’d been glad that I wouldn’t be subjected to more browbeating or complaining. But with Brooke away, I felt alone. So fucking lonely. My heart hurt from it.