“Say hello to Brooke for me.”
I headed out, my blood surging with negative energy. I need to run or hit something. Why did I have feelings for a woman who clearly didn’t feel the same?
When I arrived at the river park, I stood along the bank, watching it flow by. It occurred to me that people came and went, but this river kept flowing. It would flow long after I was gone. It made me feel insignificant. What happened to me, didn’t matter. Whether Holly ever loved me or she tossed me aside to be with her ex, this river didn’t give a fuck.
“Hey, Tuck.”
I turned to see Brooke walking toward me. She had her signature bright smile that faltered when she saw me.
“What’s wrong?”
I let out a derisive huff. “Holly’s ex is back and he wants a do-over.”
Her expression was sympathetic as she hooked her arm through mine and we started walking along the river. “What does she say about that?”
“I’ll tell you what she didn’t say. She didn’t say take a hike you fucker. She didn’t say she’d met someone else. No, she simply said that it wasn’t the time to discuss it.”
I stopped and looked at Brooke. “That says to me that she wants to discuss it. That fuckwad left her at the altar and she wants to discuss taking him back?” I shook my head in disbelief.
“Holly doesn’t strike me as a woman that would simply take her ex back especially after the way he left,” she said. “Maybe she was just too overwhelmed and surprised that he was there and needed time to think before talking to him.”
“No. What she should have done is told him to fuck off.” God, why was he given the time of day?
“Tucker, I’m sorry this hurts you, but—”
I glared at her, not wanting to hear excuses. I wanted Holly to fucking pick me, dammit.
“You know when Mo and I were in our arrangement, he had lunch with his ex. She even showed up one night. I remember feeling so jealous and angry. I think we react the way we do because we see a history there. Mo had been married to Shelley. She’d had what I hadn’t had at that point, his love. It’s similar with you. Holly has a history with Rick that once included love.”
“I’d hoped you would make me feel better,” I quipped.
She smiled. “Well, maybe I still will because along with that history in which we focus on their one-time attachment, we have to remember that something went wrong. Mo never, not once, considered taking Shelley back, and she offered. She wanted him to run for governor.”
“He’d be good at it.”
“Yes, but he doesn’t want that. What he wanted was to be a rancher and have a family. He wanted me, although it took him a while to admit to himself much less me.”
“Maybe I should have Mo over for dinner to talk to Holly. Then again, I can’t say she wants me. I could simply be the boy toy who cooks and cleans.”
“You’re being a boob, Tucker. That’s not like you.”
She was right, which only added to the pile of self-loathing. I was pathetic.
“My point is, the history is there, including the good, but the most recent is the bad. He left her on her wedding day. Holly is a kind and probably forgiving woman, but I don’t see anyone, even her, getting past that. Personally, I’d feel positive that she’s even said something to you about it.”
“I had to practically force it out of her.”
“Still, she told you the truth. The thing is, just because she’s struggling with it, doesn’t mean it’s a struggle between who to pick. Maybe there are other ramifications.”
I thought about Meredith and what would happen if she learned Rick was supposed to be Holly’s husband. What if it came out she didn’t get married, and therefore, she was being duped? In an instant, I felt like a jerk for making Holly’s reaction to Rick all about me.
“I’m a fucking idiot.”
“Sometimes, but mostly you’re a great person. Holly would be a fucking idiot to not see that.”
I felt better. Not perfect. Not secure. But better.
I’d told Holly I’d help her with Meredith and until she made a new plan, I’d continue to do that. That gave me time to win her over. A part of me resented having to do that. I wasn’t perfect, but I was a better man than Rick for sure. It shouldn’t be a contest about who could love her better.