I arched a brow.
“The last time I came to talk to you, I said I had no expectations from you. I just wanted to tell you the truth about what I’d been feeling.”
“I remember.” My gut clenched and I held my breath as I waited for what she was going to say.
“This time, I have no right to have any expectations…what I’m hoping is that you’ll consider what I’m saying and maybe…possibly…forgive me.”
Forgive? I realized in that moment, I’d wanted her to tell me she loved me and wanted another chance.
I let out the breath I was holding. “I forgive you, Holly. I won’t lie. It hurts, but I can’t make you love me and I can’t change my age, so…” I shrugged instead of finishing the thought.
“You don’t have to make me love you, Tucker. I already do. I’m sure I did before I even met you. When we were texting.”
Everything stopped in my chest. Was I hearing her right?
“I won’t say that I don’t feel concerned about the age difference. That is still there. But I miss you and I was never happier than when I was with you. Ever. And…” She looked down again like she was struggling to find the words.
“What changed?”
“Well, one is that I miss you. I thought I could live with this hole, you know?” She pressed her hand over her heart.
“I’ve got one of those too,” I said. I ached to touch her, and yet, I couldn’
t quite bring myself to do it.
“My friends came over. We had a girl’s sleepover. We all got pretty lit. Karen said some things that even when drunk, really hit me. One was that she wanted to console you, which I hope you won’t allow because I’d have to kill you both.”
My lips twitched up slightly at her humor. “Good to know.”
“She also said that I shouldn’t let what others might think have any bearing on my relationships.”
“Were people telling you not to see me?” I asked.
“No, but I kept imagining them saying things about us. About it being wrong or weird or whatever. My real hang-up is worrying that you’ll someday find me unattractive while you’re still so young.”
My heart broke at her words. “I don’t love you because of how you look, Holly. I love you for the woman you are. Do I like how you look? Yes. Sure. But I was falling for you before I ever saw you. And when I saw you in that picture, it did register to me that you were older. I didn’t know how much. And I didn’t care. Because there was something about you in the picture that grabbed hold me and has never let go.”
Tears fell from her eyes. “You’re very good with words.”
“They’re just how I feel. No more. No less.” I gripped the counter with each hand by my side to stop myself from going to her. I needed to hear more. I needed to hear what she wanted from me. From us.
“Stark came to my house.”
“What the hell!” I straightened and was ready to go kick that man’s ass.
“He said he’d pay for the library if I supported Wallace. All this time, all this hurt he brought to us, was to keep me being active in Sinclair’s campaign.” She shook her head. “I shouldn’t blame him for all of it. I made choices that resulted in all this trouble. I think even he was surprised at all the fallout.”
“I’m gonna kill him.”
She smiled, and I wished it was bigger and brighter. “Don’t do that. It’s a long way to go visit you in prison.” She took a beat. “He told me you loved me.”
“He doesn’t know love.”
“Does that mean you don’t? Not anymore?” she asked.
A part of me was irked. I’d told her so many times how I felt. And while she’d said she loved me a few seconds ago, I still felt like I needed more.
“Why are you here?” I asked.