I wondered if it would have made a difference if I had. I never told anyone before. I wasn’t sure why I was telling her now.
“Besides, what could be defective? You’re brilliant in business, even if you’re ruthless. You’re tall and handsome.”
“You think I’m handsome?” The minute I asked it, I felt like a pussy. Like a jerk fishing for compliments.
“It’s not an opinion. It’s a fact. Tall. Blonde.”
I wanted to think she was biased because she liked me, but I knew she didn’t.
“The truth is I was born with a genetic condition so yes; I wasn’t perfect as my parents hoped. I wasn’t athletic like my father. I was gawky and awkward, not fitting for the child of Oliver Stark. The rest of society seemed to agree. The level of torment I had to deal with because I looked like a mutant alien…” My gut churned with the memory of all the rejection. I downed my whiskey hoping to burn that feeling away. “That’s why I can’t have kids. I made sure I wouldn’t pass it on.” I made a scissor gesture with my fingers so she’d know what I meant.
She stared at me with a quizzical look on her face.
“What?” Now I was embarrassed for saying so much.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Simon, that your parents were jerks. That other people were jerks. People can be mean. You’re mean.”
My jaw tightened. “That’s how the world works.”
She shook her head and I hated the pity in her eyes. She stood and came to sit on the coffee table in front of me. “It’s not. You think so because that’s all you know, but it’s not true.”
She took my hands in hers. “The people Salvation aren’t like that. Yes, they stood up to you, but not because they are mean. They were protecting their own from an outside bully. If you didn’t insist on offending their traditions and conniving your way in, they’d accept you.”
“Their traditions are killing the town.”
She nodded. “Yes, but bullying them isn’t the answer. You could do good there if you didn’t go into it expecting something in return or anticipating that you need to hit first before they hit you.”
I had a flash of Tucker Marshall saying something similar to me outside of a PTA meeting last year.
“Do you love your son?” I shook my head. “Of course, you do. That’s why you’re doing this right? You want to provide for him? To give him a better life?”
“Yes,” she admitted.
“I respect that, Erica. My mother wouldn’t have crossed the street to help me. And here you are, married to a man you don’t love to help him. I envy him having a mother like that.” The truth was, it softened the blow of her deception before. She must have been pregnant and sought me out to fall in love with her all to help her son. I couldn’t help but admire the lengths she’d go through. It certainly seemed like something I might try.
Her hands cradled my face. “Simon, your mother was a bitch. You deserved to have a mother who’d do anything for you. The fact that you don’t believe that, breaks my heart.” She rose from the table and hugged me.
Warmth and emotion flooded through me like a tsunami. I wanted to drown in it even as my guard flew up. I might understand and respect what she did to me five years ago to help her unborn child, but that didn’t mean I could trust her.
But the longer she hugged me, the greater the need inside me built, until I couldn’t fight it. I pulled her back into my lap, my lips found hers and consumed them like I was a man dying of thirst. And it worked. As the kiss went on, I began to feel quenched.
She pulled back and I thought she was going to run off, repulsed by me. Instead she just stared at me, like she was looking for something. I felt vulnerable. Like she could see into my soul and see it was lacking.
But then she smiled. “I see you Simon.” Then she kissed me softly like she had all those years ago. I knew I needed to stop this but I was powerless to do so. Even if she was going to rip my heart again, I couldn’t push her away. She was like air, breathing life into me.
10
Erica
The heart was a stronger force than my mind. I knew what Simon was capable of. Right now, I was in a fake marriage with him in order to make money to help my son…our son. I knew it proved his theory that money trumped all and I probably wouldn’t be able to change his mind around that.
But my heart…my heart saw my Simon from five years ago. It saw the man who I knew was wounded and longing for healing and hope. Who had reached out to me years ago and I was there for him until he thought I lied. I wanted to try again to tell him the truth about Mason, but I knew him well enough to know that wouldn’t change anything.
I knew the truth about him now. He’d had a vasectomy which was why he didn’t believe me. Mason was his son, so something clearly hadn’t gone right with his procedure, but I didn’t believe I could change his mind on that.
It also appeared that Mason’s disorder came from Simon. I wasn’t sure what to think of that. Would he reject Mason for that because of his own guilt or not wanting to be reminded of how his parents had treated him? Because I couldn’t know for sure, I didn’t say anything.
I led with my heart wanting to comfort the man I clearly still loved, even if I didn’t completely respect him. Instead I kissed him. I felt him release his guard and embrace me, emotionally and physically.