I let out a laugh. “You didn't mean to hurt me, and yet you decided hurting me was the best option," I said, repeating the lines she'd given me when I had tried to explain why I had feigned a knee injury.
She looked down for a moment and took a breath before returning her attention back to me. "I didn't know that this was your brother's place. If I'd known, I wouldn’t have come here."
Her words were stabbed to my chest. She didn't feel bad or guilty about seeing someone else. She only felt bad that she ended up in a place that I would see her with somebody else. If that wasn't a sure sign this thing between us was over, I didn't know what was. But she was also lying, which under the circumstances seemed quite ironic.
"How come it's okay for you to lie but not me?"
Her eyes went so wide and her face pale, that I thought she might pass out. She didn't say anything for a long moment, so I decided I would clarify.
"You knew this was my brother's place and you came anyway.”
Her mouth snapped shut and the panic lessened immensely. What the hell did she think I was talking about?
"I didn't know that this was your brother's place."
"Yes, you did. We were talking about it that night we went to dinner with my dad. I told you how I didn't like going to Hunter's place if I felt like he was going to be spying on me.”
"I'm sorry Carter. I don't remember hearing that it was Cesare’s.”
"Well now you do. Maybe I'll give you a list of all the places I hang out so you can stop flaunting your Reggie’s and your Kevin's in front of me because it's fucking killing me Jess." I turned away and ran my fingers through my hair, hating that I was revealing so much of my pain to her.
"Reggie is not a boyfriend. Reggie is my roommate and she's a girl. Her name is Regina.”
I stopped short and let that sink in, which took a little bit longer than normal because my brain was soaked with alcohol.
"Carter?"
I worked to gather my wits together and turned around to look at her.
"I hate that I'm hurting you, Carter."
"It sucks on my end too."
She reached up her hand pressing the side of my cheek, and instinct had me closing my eyes, savoring her touch on my skin before I could put up any walls to guard against it.
Her hand slid down over my chest. "Carter?"
I opened my eyes and she appeared to be standing closer to me. "I'm sorry. I really am sorry."
I knew that look on her face. I'd seen it in my SUV just before she climbed in my lap. I saw it in the guest bedroom of my house, before she asked me to touch her. Once again, she was lifting up on her tiptoes, her lips moving ever closer to mine. My heart hammered in my chest and yearning exploded there. I wanted her. I wanted this.
My heart remembered what happened after we had sex in the SUV and after we had sex at my house. It remembered how she needed me, and I’d been there for her, but in return she'd rejected me.
I brought my hands to her shoulders to stop her forward movement as I stepped back from her.
She looked up at me in surprise and disappointment.
"I want you so fucking bad, Jess. But I can't do this hot and cold, back and forth, anymore. I'm sorry I just can't."
I left her on the sidewalk, going back into the restaurant, avoiding Kevin's table as I made my way toward the bar. I'd had a pretty solid buzz on a few minutes ago, but that was all gone now. I ordered a double shot, because I wanted that buzz back. I wanted to be numb.
A hand came onto my shoulder
and when I turned it was Hunter coming to my side. "Why don’t I take you home and we get drunk?"
I really appreciated that Hunter seemed to know what was going on with me without my having to explain it to him. He must have seen me talking with Jess, so he had to know how it hurt to see her with another man.
"If it makes you feel any better, I comped them their dinner —"