And I Darken (The Conqueror's Saga 1)

He stomped off through the snow, the reflected sun dazzlingly bright. If they caught him with tears in his eyes, he would claim it was the light. They would know the truth, though. On the banks of the river, the water was frozen for as far as he could see. Several children played nearby, some around his age. He edged closer to them, trying to appear as though he were merely going in that direction anyway.

He wanted them to ask him to join.

He wanted it so badly it hurt more than his frozen fingers.

“I have a honey cake for whoever dares go to the middle of the river,” the oldest boy declared. His shoeless feet were wrapped in cloth, but he held himself as straight as any boyar child.

“Liar,” answered a little girl with long braids trailing from the shawl clutched around her head. “You never have any food, Costin.”

The boy lifted his chin, pride and anger visible in the set of his mouth. “I can go farther out than any of you. I dare you. Who is brave enough?”

“I am,” Radu said. He immediately regretted it. Cautious by nature, ever fearful of being hurt, Radu shied away from risk. It was part of what Bogdan and Lada mocked him most for. Going out onto a frozen river was not something he would ever choose to do.

He nearly backed away when he heard Bodgan’s loud whoop of joy behind him. He stepped forward instead.

The group looked over, only now noticing him. Costin’s eyes narrowed as he took in Radu’s fine clothes, lingering on his leather boots. Radu wanted to be his friend. More than that, in a way Radu did not even understand, he wanted to be Costin. He wanted to look others full in the face, unafraid, unashamed, even with nothing to his name.

Costin’s upper lip pulled back, and Radu was seized with a sudden fear, worse than that of facing the frozen river. He was afraid Costin would ignore him, or tell him to leave. He was afraid these children would look at him and know he was not worth their time.

“If you go farther than I do, you can have my boots,” Radu said, his words tumbling out in desperation.

Costin’s eyebrows rose, and his expression grew sly. “Do you swear?”

“On all the saints.”

The children looked equal parts aghast and impressed with Radu’s brash and inappropriate declaration. It was a very big swear, as there were more saints than Radu could ever remember. And he knew

he was not supposed to invoke them for something like this. Radu stood straighter, mimicking Costin’s aggressive stance.

“And what if you go farther than me?” Costin’s tone indicated he thought it impossible.

Radu smiled, going along with Costin’s obvious lie. “The honey cake.”

Costin nodded, and they stepped from the bank to the river. This close to shore, the ice was an opaque white and littered with small pebbles. Radu shifted his feet hesitantly, trying to get a feel for how his boots might slip.

Laughing, Costin glided forward, sliding his cloth-wrapped feet along as though he had done this a hundred times before. He probably had.

Studying Costin, Radu continued to slide forward. He began making better progress, though he still lagged far behind. That was fine. Radu did not actually want to beat the boy, since he was certain Costin had no honey cake to offer. When people could not meet expectations, they got either ashamed or angry, Radu had found. He suspected Costin would be the type to get angry, and he wanted to be his friend, not his enemy.

He had another pair of boots at home, anyway. Nurse would scold him, but she would not tell his father. And she was always kind and gentle to him after a good scolding.

They had gotten several body lengths from the riverbank when a loud crack echoed around them. Radu froze.

Costin looked back, dark eyes flashing, chin lifted. “The middle is this way, coward.” He took another few steps and, with a shattering sound, fell through the ice.

“Costin!” Radu shouted, edging toward the break. The boy bobbed back up, scrambling for a grip on the ice. Radu dropped to his belly and scooted forward. He could nearly reach Costin’s hands, but he heard the ice beneath him weakening.

Someone grabbed his ankle, yanking him back.

“Wait!” he screamed, holding out his hands to Costin, who had leveraged himself onto his belly but could not get the rest of his body out of the water. He reached for Radu, but it was too late. Costin’s eyes widened in terror, his face as white as the ice, as Radu was pulled away.

“Wait, wait, we have to help him!” Radu tried to scramble to his feet, but another hand took hold of his other ankle and slammed him down. His chin bounced against the ice, teeth biting into his tongue and drawing blood. Then he was thrown onto the bank of the river, with Lada slapping his face.

“What were you thinking?” she screamed.

“We have to help him!”

“No!”