Lada leaned back against the wall, mind churning. He was right. There was nothing that made now different from any time in the last two or three years. Except…
Mehmed.
She had stayed because he gave her a reason to.
“I have no home to return to,” she said, avoiding Nicolae’s gaze lest she see the truth reflected back at her. “Our father betrayed and abandoned Radu and me, twice. Once when he left us here, and once when he signed our death warrants by breaking his treaty. He was—” She closed her eyes, sick with remembering how she had looked up to him, how she had craved his approval. “He was never a great man, and now I know that. If I return to him, he will find some other way to barter me for scraps of power to be squandered.” It was true. If she went home to Wallachia, she would be married off before she could show her father she had grown into so much more than he could have dreamed.
“Then we go somewhere else.”
Lada opened her eyes, looked at Nicolae. “We?”
“This place was no fun before you got here, and it will be even less so in your absence. I told you I meant it—I w
ill go with you to the ends of the earth. Though I would prefer the ends to be closer rather than farther, as riding makes me quite sore in a very treasured spot.”
“I cannot ask you to come.”
“You cannot ask me to stay.”
“You have a position here. Money. Value.”
“I am a salaried slave. We both know it.”
Lada nodded, relief warming her like a hearth in wintertime. It would be good to have Nicolae with her.
“You should ask the other men,” Nicolae said.
She shook her head. “The more we take, the greater the odds of discovery. I will not risk their lives. And I doubt they will come.”
“I think you would be surprised. You chose well.”
“I will consider it. We have two days. Prepare what you need to.”
He stood, offering a hand to help her up, then kept his hand clasped tightly with hers. “To the ends of the earth,” he said.
“To the ends of the earth.” With a tight smile, she turned to leave.
“And, Lada? I am sorry about Mehmed. I know what he was to you.”
She missed a step, nearly stumbling. “That is strange,” she said, eyes burning. “Because I do not think I know.” All she had was how she felt, and that was such a mixture of anger, bitterness, jealousy, desire, and affection that she knew she would never untangle it to see what was at the center.
She went to her old room in the fortress to see if there was anything worth taking. It was as she had left it, untouched, a layer of dust over everything. Empty. An empty past, an empty future, and no one left to care about her in either.
“The devil take you, Mehmed!” she screamed, filled with sorrow poisoned by rage. This was his fault. She had stayed for him, had let him lull her into feeling like she had security, safety, a future. But, as always, she was at the mercy of the men in her life. And, just like her father, Mehmed had abandoned her.
“And where is the devil to take me?”
Lada whirled around, heart racing. Mehmed leaned in the doorway, mirth twisting the new form the siege had carved his weary face into. He looked haggard, his cheeks stubbled, dark circles beneath his eyes showing weeks of poor sleep. He crossed the room to her, arms open.
“You died!” She pushed him away, staring at his face. He was changed, but it was him. Alive. Healthy.
“Did I? That is disappointing. I was very much looking forward to being alive for our reunion. Though I feared you would kill me.”
She pulled him close, letting him hold her, shaking in disbelief over her miracle. “I had a letter. It said…I thought you were dead.” She dug the letter free and held it out. Frowning, Mehmed took it. The line between his brows deepened.
She loved that line. She had thought it lost forever. Relief and joy warred with anger. Because when he was gone, she had been left with nothing. She could no longer pretend that she had a life of her own here. But now he was back. And it left her…confused.
“This is not Radu’s writing, but the signature is his. Whoever wrote this, it was not him. Someone wanted you to leave.” Mehmed frowned at the letter as though it would reveal its secrets. “Who would wish this?”