“The--what?”
“I took them, from Vivian. ”
“Vivian's here?” He looked around, panicked.
“Not anymore. ” I shook my head sadly. “But, Lend, I've got them--they're inside me. ”
“What do you mean? You took the souls?” His voice was concerned and scared.
I was ready to argue, explain why I had to keep them. But watching his soul dancing in front of me, I knew I couldn't. I couldn't be with him, not like this. I wouldn't deserve to. This immortality, this life exploding within me--it wasn't mine. I couldn't ask Lend to love me like this. My own soul was the only one I could offer. Now that I knew I had one, it was enough. I had never been empty.
“I have to let them go,” I whispered.
“Let the souls go?”
“They need to be released. ”
“Not yet!” Reth said, anger twisting his smooth, golden voice.
I looked back at the stars. The souls nudged me forward, guiding my hand up.
“Evie!” Lend said, panicked.
I looked down at him. I was rising into the air; I couldn't stop. If I didn't release them now, I didn't think I'd be able to. Finding the outline of the stars, I pushed my hand forward--and met resistance. This was it.
“Stop. ” Reth's voice was hard, commanding. My arms wouldn't move. “That is not the gate you need to open. If you let them go now, all this will be wasted. We need those souls! This is not the right gate. ”
I focused, willing the fire to concentrate in my arm. It grew even brighter, turning from gold to pure white, blinding in its intensity. And then, still pulling against the power of Reth's voice, I lifted a sing
le finger and traced the stars, the light leaving a trail of white between each point until the entire gate was outlined.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Go,” I whispered. For the briefest moment I felt peace, gratitude; then excruciating pain as the fire ripped straight out of my body and shot through the gate of stars. Just when I thought I could stand the pain no longer, it was over. Almost. A single lingering soul--Lish, my Lish--paused, passing through my heart in what I knew was her last good-?bye.
As my body went cold and dark I fell toward the earth, wondering again what death would feel like. I smiled, grateful I had at least known my own soul if only for a moment, and then everything went black.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
HEAVEN, HELL, AND THAT LITTLE PLACE BETWEEN
Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless. Maybe I was in hell, but I really didn't think I deserved that. Besides, hell was supposed to be hot, and I was freezing. Absolutely freezing.
I moved my legs, trying to get more comfortable. Holy bleep, I wasn't dead! If I were dead, I wouldn't have my body. As my soreness settled in, I knew I definitely had a body. That hurt. All over. I forced my eyelids open, feeling like they weighed twenty pounds each.
Not hell. Not heaven, either, because I really hoped that place would have more taste than this ugly paneled ceiling with fluorescent lights. “Ugh,” I said, figuring that one word summed up both how I felt and what I thought of the decor.
I raised my head, ignoring the swimming lights in front of my eyes, and looked down at myself. I was covered with several blankets and one of my arms had a lovely little IV taped to it. Then I noticed something really bad--my dress was gone. I might not have been dead, but if anything had happened to that dress, someone was going to be.
Lifting my arm to scratch the area around the IV tape, I stopped. The glow--the liquid fire that had been there since Reth forced it on me--was gone. All of it, every last bit from him and Vivian. I was both relieved and sad. With my flames gone, everything was strangely heavy, like gravity pulled harder than normal on me, binding me to the earth.
I felt around my body then, looking for damage. Nowhere seemed especially sorer than anywhere else. I sighed, laying my head back down. Maybe I was here because I was dying. Maybe letting go of all those souls hadn't killed me, but I didn't have enough left to hang on for much longer.
Or maybe I should just push the freaking call button and ask a nurse. The worst that could happen was them coming in with stun guns, having figured out I was a freak of nature. I paused. That would actually be pretty bad. I'd take a nap first. At least then I'd be well rested if I was going to be interrogated or something.
I fell into a strange, exhausted sleep. I thought I heard the door open, but couldn't muster the energy to open my eyes or move. Someone set something down on the table next to me, then sat on the edge of the bed. A gentle hand brushed the hair back from my forehead, and then lips brushed the top of my head.
The bed sprung back and soft steps padded away. I heard a small, soft sigh--a happy one.
“Raquel?” I murmured, finally forcing my eyes open. The room was empty. Disappointment washed over me. I had been sure it was her. I wanted it to be her.