His smile shifted, and I saw something feral and primal beneath his refined features. "No one is either good or bad, my love. We all have bits of both; we simply choose to align ourselves with whichever side has a stronger pull. My choice to get involved was motivated by a very sad, empty girl with eyes like streams of melting snow. "
So now Reth was saying he only went with the good court because of me? Or was he saying something else entirely? Only he could do this to me-make me feel this awful and confused. When I was with Reth, everything lonely and heartbroken in me seemed to well to the surface, begging to let him take it away. "I hate you," I whispered, my voice cracking.
He locked his eyes on mine, drawing me closer, his voice slipping around me like a golden net. "Nonsense. My queen's forbidden me to force you to come with me again, but I can't understand why I should need to. It doesn't have to be this way. It can be easy, safe, warm. And when you come home, none of this will matter-it will slip away, all the dark and cold, less than a dream. You'll never have to worry or wonder again. Just choose it, Evelyn. Quit clinging to this world of loss and come with me. I can fill all the emptiness that you are. Become what you sh
ould be, and help us get back to where we belong. Leave with me. "
I sighed, breathing in deeply, my cheek against his chest. The heartbeat there was strange, too slow, but he was warm, and his arms around me were wonderful, and how did I get here again? I didn't want his arms around me. Did I? There was someone . . . something . . . some reason. Did it matter?
Reth jerked away, his perfect nose wrinkled. "Oh, that necklace is monstrous. Where did you get such an abominable thing?" I blinked, dazed, and my fingers drifted up to my pendant. When I touched the cold iron, reality snapped back into place.
"Are you kidding me? You come here and use your stupid faerie mojo and then you back away from me? Is there anything in your golden head that makes sense? What, you thought, hey, Evie's probably having a bad night, why don't I go mess with her? While you're at it, there are probably some puppies you could kick!"
I whipped around, stalking back to the diner. I should have known-had known-this was a bad idea. Idiot Evie.
Turning a corner, I stopped short at the sight of Reth, leaning casually against a lamppost, surrounded by a puddle of light and looking like an ad for an impossibly perfect reality.
"You need to come with me. Things have been set in motion, and I cannot control all the variables. I can't hide you forever. I can, however, keep you safe and make you happy. Give me your hand. " He held his out; I could almost see waves of heat radiating from it.
I frowned, thinking of the sylph. Clearly something had found out where I was. Come to think of it, who was to say he didn't set the sylph on me himself to trick me into thinking I was in danger? It would be just like him. The whole thing reeked of faerie mischief.
"Screw you. Me and my magic hands will be fine, thank you very much. I'm staying right where I am. "
He smiled, straightening to stand in front of me. "Very well. Clearly this life you so desperately craved is everything you hoped it would be. It warms me through to see you this fulfilled and"-he leaned in, whispering right in my ear-"happy. "
I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw. If he thought he could swoop in here and start messing with my life again, he was wrong. "Look, just because-"
I opened my eyes to find myself utterly alone. The lamplight that seemed to glow before was now harsh, creating shadows and sharp lines but illuminating nothing. The darkness of the night pressed in on me from all directions, and my teeth started to chatter.
"What am I doing here?" I whispered. And then quickly corrected: "Out here. I meant out here. "
I walked back to the diner. Ignoring Grnlllll, I went straight upstairs, stripping off my filthy clothes and standing in the shower until the hot water ran out. Miserable and unaccountably sad, I wanted to call Lend. I never felt empty around him. But then I'd have to tell him about tonight, and he'd be worried that Reth showed up again, and I didn't want him to stress out about it. Instead I told Arianna I felt sick, climbed into bed, and willed myself to sleep.
Things would feel better in the morning. They had to.
My brain and body finally disconnected and I drifted off to blessed sleep.
"Hey, stupid," Vivian said.
"Oh, Viv. " I broke into tears. "I'm so glad you're here. "
Chapter Eight
Dream On
What's wrong?" Vivian asked. We sat on a hill overlooking the ocean, stars in the black night sky reflected on the water. She put her arm around me awkwardly and I leaned my head into her shoulder.
When she first started showing up in my dreams again after last April, it scared the crap out of me. She was so lonely, though, and I couldn't help but talk to her. I still hadn't forgiven her for killing Lish-I don't think I ever will-but it was a topic we both avoided so that we could get to know each other. I understood now a little better where she came from, and I'd always sympathized with how deeply alone she'd been. Plus, being raised by faeries, she was bound to make bad choices. We treaded lightly around the hard topics, and somewhere along the way it felt like we really had become the sisters she always wanted us to be.
Except she never took my stuff, which was nice.
I wiped away tears. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sad, and I don't know why, and I shouldn't be-and here I am, complaining to you when you aren't even-" I stopped, unable to finish. Vivian wasn't going to wake up, ever again. When I took the souls from her, she hadn't had enough of her own soul to live a normal life. It was my fault.
"Hey, shush, don't you worry about me. I'm fine. "
"You haven't visited in a while. "
"Haven't I?" She looked thoughtfully out over the water. "I'm here, or I'm nowhere, or I'm somewhere else entirely. It gives me a lot of time to think. But I never seem to get anywhere with it. "