“I wish I could make my decisions based on what you want, Nina. But I can’t. There are bigger things at play here than your feelings. One day you’ll understand. Until then, you have to trust that I’m doing what’s right for you. For both of you. I’m your mother.”
“My mother?” I want to hurt her as much as she’s hurt me. “No. You’re a Council member. And since, according to you, I’m neither a Watcher nor a Slayer, I don’t have to follow your commands.” I stalk back into the library. Jade sees my expression and opens her mouth to ask me something, but I grab my stack of books and carry them to the far shelf. I kick the secret door aside, then storm through the hidden room, through the tunnels, and finally out into the dorm wing.
I drop the books in my room. Then, keyed up and furious and more than a little worried my mom will show up for round two, I go for a run.
It doesn’t clear my mind. I was never trained to know my body, to use it to its full ability. I used to be precisely aware of all my limitations. I have no idea what they are now.
My mother’s latest attempt to get rid of me nips at my heels. I can’t run fast enough to get away from it. The Council wouldn’t let her. Bradford would probably go against her. Eve definitely would. And Leo—I’m positive Leo would fight for me to stay. It makes me feel a little better, knowing I have the Silveras. Though I’m a bit surprised by my absolute confidence that Leo is on my side. Maybe I should tell him about the demon in the shed. But it would be so humiliating to admit. And then I’d have to tell Eve, because I’m sure he doesn’t have secrets from his mom. And she’ll tell the rest of them, because she’s on the Council.
Come to think of it, why hasn’t Leo found me today? Is it because we need to lie low and pretend so my mom doesn’t get suspicious? Or is he avoiding me after last night? Maybe he and his mother are talking about me, deciding what to do.
Everyone here is a Watcher before everything else. I need a Slayer to talk to. Or at least someone who understands what I’m going through.
As I leap over logs and duck under branches, a detail I had forgotten in all the chaos strikes me. I have access to people who knew Slayers better than anyone. Or at least, I have access to their writing.
I stole two Watcher diaries from my mother’s nightstand. It’s time to find out what they knew.
• • •
Artemis is in our room when I get back. She doesn’t hang around in the middle of the day—her work keeps her busy. And I still don’t kn
ow where we stand after last night.
“It’s Tuesday,” she says. It sounds like an accusation.
Then it hits me. It’s Tuesday.
Tuesday afternoon is Artemis’s only time off. We spend it together. Doing manis and pedis, refilling the holy water supplies, and sharpening stakes while watching movies on our ancient laptop. We eat protein bars we keep stashed so she doesn’t even have to go near the kitchen and dining hall. Normally, it’s my favorite day of the week. I spend the six days before carefully curating a selection of movies and choosing nail polish colors. But this week, I haven’t prepared at all.
“You forgot, didn’t you?” Artemis’s face is tight.
I did. But admitting it will hurt her even more. So again, I lie. “After what happened last night, I didn’t know if you’d want to hang out.”
The lie didn’t work. She looks even more hurt. “Do you not want to?”
“Of course I want to! I always want to.” I’m not in the mood for movies, though. I’m in the mood to hit something. To run more. To do something, anything, with all this energy itching through me. I need to find Leo, to see if Eve has any additional insight about what we ran into last night. And the journals taunt me from their hiding place. Whose are they, that my mother kept them? What might they tell me about how to be a Slayer?
I sit on my bed. “I just don’t know where we are right now. I didn’t want to force you to do this.”
She carefully lines up our bottles of polish. She always wears black, but she lets me paint her fingernails in bright rainbows. “Maybe this seems pointless now, with everything going on. But I want a normal afternoon with you. If you want.”
She can’t mask the hurt in her voice. I was always the one who counted down to these days. But maybe she needed them even more than I did.
Guilt washes over me. My changes have disrupted her life too. I’ve been mad at her—with good reason—but I can also be patient and understanding. The Watcher diaries aren’t going anywhere. Neither is the Coldplay demon. “I want that too,” I say quickly. “A normal afternoon. You pick the movie.”
As she looks over our stacks of DVDs, it strikes me that Artemis is just a teenager. Like me. We’re sixteen, but she never gets to act it except these few precious hours once a week. Thinking of how young we are reminds me of why I ran from the library. “So,” I ask casually, “did Mom talk to you about boarding school?”
“What? No. What are you talking about?”
I take a deep, shaky breath. What if Artemis agrees with our mother’s reasoning? It will break me. But I can’t keep any more secrets. I can barely hold the ones I have. “She wants to send me away.”
Artemis whips her head around and stares at me in shock. “Are you kidding me?”
“She had a pamphlet and everything.”
Artemis’s eyes flash with fury. “No. I won’t let her do that. She’s not separating us.”
My relief is sudden and overwhelming. Whatever we might disagree on or fight about, Artemis is still on my side. She might do more with our mom, might be the one our mom wants to stay, but Artemis is mine. I plop down on the bed. Artemis sits beside me, and I lean my head against her shoulder.