I shove down my feelings and choose to ignore the fact that she’s stealing from us and I don’t know why. “Should I tell Mom you were here?”
Artemis shakes her head. “I didn’t want anyone to see me.” She bites her lips. She didn’t mean to admit that. If I hadn’t come into the library, she would have been in and out, and I never would have known.
It stings, and the aftertaste of laughing with her turns bitter. “Rhys will never forgive you for taking a book.”
She smiles, but it’s tight and full of tension, just like her ponytail. “It’s my library too. You said so yourself. Our heritage. I’m owed a lot of back pay for years of free labor. I’ll consider this a down payment.”
“Don’t give it to Sean. Please.” I can forgive her sneaking in, stealing the book, but not for that. Not for him.
“It’s for me, dummyrabbit.” She pauses, then straightens her shoulders like she’s settled something internally. “It’s for all of us. You’ll understand.”
“What does that mean? Please. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.” I pause. “Stay,” I whisper. She pretends like she doesn’t hear me as she zips up her leather jacket.
“I have your other coat,” I say, flinging out any words I can think of that might hook her. “In our room.”
“I’ll get it next time.” The words linger between us to soften the tension. Next time. She’s coming back. I lean toward her for a hug, but she turns and walks out into the dark hallway, not even a scent lingering in her wake. She’s just gone. Again.
7
I STAY IN THE LIBRARY as the sun rises. My mother is first in, of course. I wonder if she’ll somehow be able to sense that Artemis was here. And she does look uncomfortable as she sits across from me and sips her tea, but then I remember what happened at the warehouse and realize it’s all about me.
I can’t leave. It would be too obvious I’m trying to avoid her. Which is funny, because I used to be desperate for one-on-one time with her. I pick up a book at random and pretend to be absorbed in it. I wonder what was in the book that Artemis stole. She said she wasn’t giving it to Sean, and I trust her on that. I have to. I can’t tell Rhys she took it, though. He’d never forgive her. And I know they’d judge her, speculate about what she’s doing. She’ll be back. She said so. I won’t let our people turn themselves against her in the meantime. Artemis spent a lot of years protecting me; I feel fiercely protective of her even when I’m hurt and pissed off at her. I get to feel that way, but no one else does.
“We should talk about yesterday,” my mother says, surprising me. I really didn’t think she’d bring it up.
“What about it?” I don’t look up from the history of a minor hellgod. It might as well be a fairy tale now. Wherever this hellgod lives, it can’t get here to find more sacrifices. No more portals, thanks to Buffy.
Buffy. I wish I had been able to see her in the Slayer dream. I haven’t run into her in the dreamspaces, not in months. I really want to talk to her. It’s a stark change to how I used to feel about her. If I can’t have a Watcher, can I at least have the reigning Slayer?
“I’m concerned about your tactics,” my mother says.
I put the book down, defensiveness rearing in me like a snake ready to strike. First Artemis telling me I’m being selfish, and now my mom questioning my fighting. “What about them?”
“They were … excessive.”
“I held back! My instincts were telling me to do much worse.” Imogen told me I should have done exactly what my instincts told me to. Why is my mom giving me crap for it? “And besides, are you saying they didn’t deserve what they got? They were trying to shoot you! They were hunting a family. For money.”
My mother takes another prim sip of tea. “I think they did deserve much worse. From a tactical standpoint, your actions were both effective and reasonable.”
“Then why are we talking about them?”
“Because I’m not speaking from a tactical standpoint. I’m speaking as your mother. Your actions would have made sense for a mercenary. Or even another Watcher. But you’re not either of those things. You’re Nina.” Her voice gets soft, almost tentative. “My Nina. And that didn’t feel like you. Lately you’ve seemed …”
I can’t listen to my mother tell me who I am. Not after so many years of her deliberately hiding who I was, trying to keep me from becoming what mystical forces had chosen me for. I know she’s trying, I do, and I want her to try, but she has no right to make these judgments. I’m already raw and stinging from my encounter with Artemis. I open my mouth to snap something I know I’ll regret, but I’m saved by the door opening.
“Why is it so early?” Jade enters the room, trailing sleep like car exhaust in her wake. She slumps in the chair next to me. “Can’t we have these meetings in the afternoon?”
“Good morning!” Rhys is bright-eyed and perky, even his curls not flopping over his forehead. Doug joins us, sitting next to Jade, and finally Imogen walks in, bringing a tray of fresh pastries and fruit.
I’m immensely grateful my mother and I can’t keep talking now that our complete Watcher-Sanctuary Council group is here. Ruth Zabuto doesn’t care. Jessi
only wants information if it affects the Littles. Tsip sometimes appears in the middle of the meetings, but disappears just as quickly. The tiny purple demons understand English but can’t speak it and were banned from the library after eating several irreplaceable volumes. It’s the only time I’ve seen Rhys look genuinely terrifying. He’s been trained to kill, like every Watcher, and he was a heartbeat away from ending their violet lives. Another reason not to tell him about Artemis.
Cillian is always invited, but he spends his mornings tending his shop in town. With his mom still gone on a months-long soul-searching trip, he’s got to keep it up in order to pay their bills. It sucks that he has to work to afford a house he barely stays in now, though.
Rhys runs through the morning itinerary. Finances—always tight, but okay for now. Task assignments. I imagine where Artemis would be slotted in, but it hurts, so I stop. Rhys moves on to a review of those with invitations for Sanctuary entrance interviews.
“We can cross off the werewolf family.” I avoid eye contact with my mother. “They decided to go in another direction.” The opposite direction of wherever I am.