To hurt him.
But Victor responded to my touch, taking a deep breath and stilling. “I know what you think of me,” he said to his father. “What you have always thought of me. You have never truly seen me, have never seen what I am capable of. You looked only for fault, only for weakness. The unimaginable heights of my genius, unrivaled, unrestrained, have made you nervous and petty. You would have me gentled. You would have me do nothing with my life but provide you with more money to feed your own appetites and pleasures. And you would use Elizabeth to do it.” Victor leaned forward, and Judge Frankenstein shrank back, that old fear fully resurfaced. He had gotten too used to a tame Victor. “You have no power over us, old man. And if you ever try to control me again, you will understand at last what true power is and who wields it in this family.”
He turned away from his father, his face still a cold mask, terrible in its alien lack of emotion. I saw only a second of it before he fixed his gaze on me and my Victor was returned. “Well,” he said, “shall we go to your old home?”
I had assumed we would be fighting the monster here, but with this new information, everything was put off balance, dizzied and confused. A trip by boat, some distance between us and this house; his father; that monster—
“Yes,” I said, taking his hand once more. “Take me home.”
OUR JOURNEY WAS BY boat, taking us down the Rhone toward where it connected to Lake Como. The river was swift but placid, the countryside enough to fill the breast with stirrings like religious euphoria. The green and gold of the land promised a wealth of happiness and health.
But I could not stop my thoughts from spinning with Judge Frankenstein’s revelations and the alteration they cast on my life. Such was my agitation that the monster and its promised attack were pushed to the furthest reaches of my mind. The river carried me swiftly from my past—and back toward my past.
If I had been in full possession of my senses, I might have delayed our return. Lake Como was not a kind place for me. I had no happy memories there. My life had been hunger and pain and suffering. I had always viewed Victor as my savior for taking me away from it.
And now, to celebrate our official union, we were returning. Victor, at least, seemed soothed by our journey. His intense agitation and distraction dissipated. Each league no doubt filled him with relief as it put us safer from pursuit. Fish leapt from the water, keeping pace with the boat, and he laughed and pointed. But he saw that I could not mirror his ease.
He took my hand. “You are sorrowful. If you knew what I have suffered a
nd what I may yet endure, you would endeavor to let me taste the quiet and freedom from despair that this one day, at least, permits me to enjoy.”
I did know! I knew full well. He was the one in the dark, both about my knowledge and about the ancient childhood anxieties this trip dredged up.
Still, I would not forget that he had never known, never cared, about my wealth. And he had stepped in to prevent his father from seizing it before I could gather my wits and explore my options for keeping it from him.
It was not that I did not want to help the Frankensteins.
It was that…
No, perhaps it was that. Madame Frankenstein, with her tepid, conditional kindness, was dead. William, beautiful child, also gone. Ernest would find his own way in the world, never counting on an inheritance as a second son. And Victor was mine, regardless of his family fortunes.
I had known so much strain growing up, constantly fearing that if I failed, I would once again be set out in the world with nothing of my own. And Judge Frankenstein, knowing otherwise, had never offered me comfort or assurance, preferring me to think myself entirely indebted to his generosity. Even this marriage, which could have been delayed until I was at least eighteen, had been presented to me as my best option, when he knew full well that at twenty-one I would have the funds to be independent.
I closed my eyes, trying to sort through my feelings. What life would I have chosen, had I known?
But it was an exercise in madness. I had never known. I had demanded the swift marriage myself as a trap. And now binding me to Victor were not only a life and love, but the terrible secret of his monster. I had not chosen this life, but I would stay true to those in it who had chosen me. I would stay true to Victor. I would stay true to the memory of Justine.
I opened my eyes and smiled weakly at Victor. It was enough to assuage him, and he returned to admiring the landscape.
“A fresh start is exactly what we need,” he said. “Here, away from the past. A new life together as we build toward what I have always promised you.” He put his arm around me and drew me close. “You can paint. I can resume studying. We will have seclusion and peace. Enough time that I can correct the failures of the past.”
I, too, was hopeful. I had arranged the marriage for a speedy confrontation with the monster. But as we entered the waters of Lake Como, all my childhood vulnerability, fragility, and fierceness fell on my shoulders like the light misting of rain we were under. It coated everything, quickly soaking me through.
I was not yet ready to face the monster. I would accept this respite and try to sort through who, exactly, I was as Elizabeth Frankenstein on the shore of Lake Como.
* * *
—
The interior of the villa—as familiar to me as a long-ago dream—was cloaked in white cloth and dust, everything shrouded as if for burial. I wandered through it in a daze. I touched various objects in hopes of sparking some memory, some concrete connection to this life that had been restored to me.
I felt nothing.
Victor left me in a bedroom while he explored the rest of the villa, doubtless looking for a library. In the morning, we would go into town to find a woman to hire as cook and housekeeper until we knew what my finances were and how much help we would need.
I wondered if any of the people I found in town would be one of my long-lost foster siblings. I would be certain to hire an old woman. I did not need to fear my family here. I was not their victim anymore; I was a married woman. I owed them no kindnesses and would deny any claims made on me.
I stood at the window, watching the sunset break through the dissipating rain clouds for one brilliant orange farewell to my wedding day. I had planned on this day’s being one of vengeance and fire. The monster had planned the same. But I was not where I was supposed to be, and thus nothing could disrupt our wedding night.