That’s what I want, of course. To be rid of my involvement in the entire matter. Whatever political tension there is here, whatever designs Albion has on the Iverian continent, it’s nothing to do with me.
My eyes flick to my shadow, and I realize I cannot remember exactly how it looked before the edges were blurred.
Eleanor continues chatting about the various stunned and devastated reactions among eligible girls who had long been pining after untouchable Lord Ackerly, obviously taking great pleasure in their dismay.
“Oh, that reminds me, I’ve been clearing out my wardrobe and I came across another dress I thought you might like. I’ll have it sent to your room at the Grande Sylvie.”
I nod dumbly. “Thank you. You’ve been so kind.”
She laughs, a private smile on her face. “Yes, I am very kind.”
That evening after she has lent me her carriage for the ride back to the hotel, I find a letter from Mama. I also find Sir Bird with a note from Finn. Apparently, Sir Bird has been rebelling against book form, and taken to chasing Finn around his library, pecking at his hands. Finn thought some time apart would be good for both of them, so long as I do not take Sir Bird out without him.
I laugh, picturing Sir Bird terrorizing stately Finn. “Good boy,” I murmur, emptying my pockets of brass buttons and coins I’ve been collecting, and Sir Bird caws contentedly as he begins sorting them.
I sit on the brushed-velvet chaise longue. The room is wonderful, I will admit that, but I feel false staying in it and insist on taking care of my own linens and cleaning. The bright side is giving Ma’ati extra free time, but a large part of this is an effort to avoid the ire of the chambermaids, who whisper poisonous things.
“You’ve put me in an impossible situation,” I say to my shadow. “I had a hard enough time fitting in with my peers before. Now I am neither here nor there with any class. It is very inconsiderate of you.” I pause. “While I am thinking of it, your tie yesterday was ghastly. You shouldn’t wear brown. I much prefer the blue one. And stay out of my room.”
I turn to the letter, which is written in Alben. I sigh, wondering whether Mama speaks it at home without me there anymore. As usual, I supply my own interpretations of what she says.
Dearest Jessamin,
I have not had a letter from you in a month. (You are a terrible daughter.) I blame the slowness of the boats and hate the distance between us. (How could you leave me?)
Your cousin Jacabo responded to my inquiries after your well-being with only the vaguest of terms. (I threatened Jacky Boy if he did not update me on your life.) I take this to mean you have seen him regularly and have also forbidden him from updating me on your life in the big city. (Why are you spending your time with him when he is clearly not running in the right circles?)
How are your studies? Have you met anyone interesting? (Why have you not given me news of your father?)
I suspect you do not write because you have found someone. (Please, please tell me you have found someone.) I know it. (I beg the spirits for it each night.) A mother can feel these things. (I will drag you back to the island and force you into marriage if you do not take care of it yourself.) Please tell me whether he is of a good family and when I can expect happy tidings to share with my friends. (Do not do anything I cannot crow about to the neighbors.) I knew you would not be on your own for long. (Give me grandchildren. Soon.) Dear Henry has asked after you, though, so if you are lonely you know you have many options here. (I pestered Henry until he finally asked after you and took it as a sign he still wishes to marry you.)
Write me soon or I will perish for want of daughterly affection. (You are a terrible daughter.)
All my love, (All my love,)
Mama
I compose in my head:
Dear Mama,
Am being stalked by not one but two men of exceptionally high birth. One is a madman who tortured me and promised to make me love him forever. The other is a madman who gave me his shadow and lives to make my life difficult. No doubt you would be pleased, but I intend to deny you grandchildren for the foreseeable future. Henry is a dear, but I suspect the only reason his parents were willing to consider me for his bride was that he does not, in fact, like women at all. In place of comforting news about my marriageability and future grandchildren, please know I have adopted a bird. You would like him.
Much love,
Hopeless Jessamin
A knock at my door distracts me from fictional letter writing. I open it to find Simon holding a garment bag and a letter. He bows, and I knock his cap off his head. “Don’t start that nonsense with me. Come in and have a biscuit, or I’ll box your ears.”
Grinning, he picks up his cap, bouncing on his toes and nervous to be in the room. I realize I cannot explain why I have a large black bird in my room, but Sir Bird has elected to be a book again. Simon sets the bag on the edge of my bed.
“Is that man around?” I ask. “The one who’s been following me?”
“Lord Ackerly? Yes. He said you’d have a book for me to deliver to him? The letter is from him, too. He tips something handsome, Miss Jessamin. Everyone likes him.”
“Hmm. I’m sure. Did you let him into my room earlier?”
“No, Miss Jessamin. This is the first he’s been here all day.”