Illusions of Fate

I glance at Sir Bird, but as neither book nor bird can he tell me how Finn sneaked into my room. Annoyed, I hand Simon the book and open the letter. It’s an invitation to a symphony to be held tomorrow evening. In the bag, I find a stunning gown of pale gold with a tag attached that reads:

Aren’t my castoffs simply amazing and tailored to your exact frame? See you at the symphony. Love, Eleanor.

Nineteen

“AND YOU ARE CERTAIN IT’S LORD ACKERLY WAITING downstairs for me? No strange birds hopping about?”

Ma’ati sounds confused as she finishes buttoning the back of my dress. “Why should you worry about birds?”

I shake my head, trying to calm myself. I have had three separate written confirmations from Eleanor and Finn that yes, the invitation came from him, and no, there is nothing sinister at play. Aside from false gifts, that is. I run my fingers down the front of the dress. Eleanor’s castoff, indeed.

The dress is silk, pale gold with delicate beadwork on the empire-waist bodice. Sheer sleeves are open at the wrists. Finn—through Eleanor—was kind enough to include a perfectly matched black glove for my uninjured hand. I shake my right hand absentmindedly, trying to work out some of the pins and needles.

I notice it less lately, but the sensation is always there. I cannot imagine what it must be like to feel this way all the time, over your entire body. It makes me a bit more compassionate toward Finn. I would go mad in his place.

Then again, I’m fairly certain he already is.

“I wish we had something sparkly to put on your wrist or around your neck,” Ma’ati says, considering the final product. This time we did not bundle my hair into a bun, but pulled it away from my face and neck with a twist and let it trail down my back.

“Never you mind. Thank you for your help.” I stand and kiss her cheek. “You know, this dress would flatter you even more than me.”

Ma’ati waves her hand. “When would I wear a thing like that?”

“Jacky Boy would like it very much on a certain special occasion. It’ll keep until then.”

Ma’ati’s face blooms into the biggest smile I have ever seen on her. “Well, you know we were waiting to save up enough so we wouldn’t have to live in the hotel. We were a ways off—years off—but then . . . oh, I shouldn’t speak of it until it’s certain.”

“What? You must tell me now!”

“Lord Ackerly has offered Jacky Boy a position in his country estate! It’s a good deal of responsibility. He would be in charge of the kitchens and head butler duties, and Lord Ackerly says he has never kept a staff so Jacky Boy would do well to bring someone with him. His words were ‘perhaps a bride.’ And then he gave Jacky Boy a good-faith payment and promised to arrange it all as soon as he is ready to staff his new home! We would have our own cottage on the property.” She sits back onto the chaise longue, nearly overcome. “It’s more than I ever hoped for. I was so scared when my aunt sent me here—I was afraid I’d be lost or killed or beaten daily. But I found Jacky Boy and now we’ve a real future and oh, Jessamin, I am so happy I might burst.”

I cannot puzzle why Finn would be taking on servants now when he so recently told me he never kept them, but Ma’ati’s j

oy is contagious. I wrap her into a hug. “You deserve every happiness in the world.”

“Thank you. He’s a good man, you know. Jacky Boy likes him, and Jacky Boy is the best judge of character.”

I shrug noncommittally, but she doesn’t let me go, pressing on. “He looks us in the eyes, Jessamin. All of us. You’ve worked here long enough to understand what that means. But, oh! Stop right now.” She pulls back from our embrace, fussing over my dress. “We can’t wrinkle you. Now go and enjoy your evening listening to terrible, boring Alben music.”

I laugh and stand. “Yes, I can’t say I am looking forward to that part. Perhaps I’ll get in a good nap.”

Ma’ati follows me into the hall, then grabs my elbow and turns me around. “Not the servants’ stairs. Just this once, use the main ones. But give me half a minute to go ahead, so I can hide near the lobby and watch you walk down!”

She hitches her skirt and takes off at a run for the back stairs. If it were anyone but her, I’d follow, refusing to make a spectacle. I cannot say no to Ma’ati.

Counting to sixty in my head, I walk slowly down the wood-paneled hallway toward the open flight of stairs that will take me to the lobby. I peek over the balcony to see if Ma’ati is ready. Standing in the center of the marble floor, looking straight up at me, is Finn.

His tailed tuxedo is trim and fitted, showcasing the slender lines of his body, and his golden hair catches the overhead electric chandelier. It’s even a bit messy tonight, not so controlled as usual. He leans casually against his cane, and when he meets my eyes, a smile slowly spreads across his face.

Something inside of me breaks and re-forms into a new, unknown shape, and I do not know what has happened or why, only that I feel as though I am glowing from my toes to the tip of my head and I want to be beside Finn right now.

I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart, trying to tell myself that it’s the effect of his silly charmed hair, but as I take the steps in measured pace, I realize this time it feels different. Before there was a sort of fuzzing, a misty separation from reality. But tonight everything is clearer, sharper, as though the sun has finally broken through the Alben clouds and lit the world in a new way.

As though Finn has created his wonderful miniature sun inside my heart.

I am down the stairs before I process having passed even one flight. I hear a soft, happy sigh and turn to see Ma’ati peeking from behind the dining room doors. I smile and wave at her. Then, hardly daring to look at him lest he somehow sees straight through to my wild, giddy panic, I turn to Finn.

“You look beautiful,” he says, and that new something inside of me flares even higher. My eyes dart like a butterfly in a cage, alighting on everything but staying fixed on nothing. His jaw, his hair, his shoulders, his mouth.