The bird stops its scratching and stares at me with one beady eye, as though accusing me of something. “Guess he doesn’t like being observed,” I say, grinning at it. “I’ve read that a crow can memorize your face just from one encounter. If you’re nice to them, they recognize it, and if you aren’t or they find you threatening in any way they’ll avoid you at all costs.”
“A good survival instinct.”
“Yeah.” The bird looks between the two of us, making clicking noises with its beak. Guilt somersaults in my chest. I’m chatting about crows when my brother is alone at the hospital. “I should probably go call Jules.”
Dr. Anders smiles. “Good idea. And let me know if you need any assistance, now that you’re momentarily down a group member.”
“That makes two, now.” I glance away from his eyes as my thoughts stray to Faye’s tantrum in class today. “We’re having a hard time saying whole, aren’t we?”
His smile has a wry twist, and I know he knows what I’m referring to. “I think you’re all up to the challenge.”
“Do you know why Sonja didn’t come back this year?”
“Her mother didn’t say. Have a good afternoon, Miss Erikssen.”
“Thanks.” I step out of the office, my phone already in my hand.
*
I’m on my fifteenth message when Jeremy finds me. I don’t make room for him on the bench I’m using as a phone booth, but he doesn’t take the hint. “Hey,” he says, wedging in next to me until I’m forced to move over. “I heard about Julian. Is everything okay?”
“Dr. Anders says he’s fine, but I haven’t been able to reach him. It keeps going to voicemail.”
“I’m sure he’ll call when he can.” His arm wraps around my waist. “His laptop bag was in Dr. A.’s office. I dropped it off in the dorm earlier.” Despite myself I lean into his warmth. “I’m about to head down to the field. Tonight is game night, want to come?”
I shake my head. “No thanks, I think I’m going to beg out.”
“You’ll need a pass from Zoe.”
“Shouldn’t be a problem.” She’d met me in the hall, and walked with me back to the quad as I’d made my unanswered calls.
“Want me to come by later? I can probably duck out.” His lips are on my temple and instead of feeling good, I just feel trapped. Julian saw this coming. To be honest, I did too.
“No, that’s okay.”
“Sure?”
“Yeah.” I study his face. Handsome. Athletic. Nice. A hint of rebellion with that tattoo on his chest. Everything I should want. But he’s also a little too eager,
and has a bit of that jock attitude I despise, not to mention one eye is a little browner than the other. “Look, Jeremy, I think maybe we should reconsider this.”
“Reconsider what?” He’s not stupid, which means I’m coming from left field.
“This thing between us. It’s been fun and everything but I don’t want you to get in trouble and with Julian being in the hospital, and the group being down another person, well, I’m getting a little stressed out. Just seems like maybe we should end this now instead of later.”
“You were planning on ending this?” More shock. Maybe he is a little obtuse.
“Well, yeah. I’m not really into the long distance thing and I want to keep my options open as I go into college. Start off with no strings, y’know?”
“You’re breaking up with me?”
“It would never work, and you know it. You’re in graduate school. I’ll be a freshman.” I grin at him, and wriggle my shoulders in mock horror. “That’s worse than bringing your cousin to prom.”
“It is?”
“Look, let’s just end this on a high note, and go back to how we started. Student and teacher. The way it’s supposed to be.” He doesn’t say anything. I lean over and hug him, kiss his cheek. He doesn’t move. “You’ve been awesome,” I tell him. “I’ll see you around.”
When I get to the front door of the dorm, I look back. He’s still sitting there. I give him a small wave. He returns it but doesn’t smile.