Snow White stood right there, smiling. She was the most beautiful girl the queen had ever seen. More beautiful than the queen had ever been. More beautiful than anyone had ever been. Her reflection should have said the same thing.
But in the mirror, nothing.
The queen let out a single sob, finally looking Snow White in the eyes. The girl’s bloodred lips parted in a triumphant smile—and then the queen slammed the door in her face, locking it up tight again.
She leaned against it, trembling. After several shaking breaths, she had barely enough strength to drag and shove all the moveable furniture in front of the door. It took her too long, and then she was so exhausted she knew she couldn’t do what had to come next.
So the queen called for her huntsman.
If you looked in the kingdom’s dictionary under bully, the full definition was the huntsman’s picture. As much as everyone hated the queen for the way she locked up Snow White, they hated the huntsman even more. They were both mean, but at least the queen was pretty. It was a very shallow kingdom, sadly.
“Hey, babe,” the huntsman said.
“You do realize I’m the queen.”
He grinned, winking. “Oh yeah, I do. Listen, what are you doing tonight? Maybe you and I could go out. On a date.”
“Yuck.”
“Okay, some other time, then. Is this about the snake? Still haven’t found it.”
The queen shook her head and pointed to Snow White’s bedroom. “There is a wild animal in there. I need you to capture it, take it outside the village, and leave it in the meadow near the dark forest in the next kingdom. You’ll need to do it before sunset. It’s very important that you leave it in the middle of the meadow, directly in the sunlight.”
“Got it. Dark forest. Midnight. Kill it.”
“No!” The queen rubbed her forehead. The huntsman was like a headache in human form. “Meadow. Sunlight. Leave it.”
“Okay!”
“I want you to repeat it back to me.”
“Leave the sunlight in the meadow.”
“No,” the queen said, gritting her teeth. “How can you leave sunlight in a meadow? Take the creature to the meadow and leave it in the sunlight.”
The huntsman groaned. “This is getting boring. I got it.”
The queen pointed to a large bag made of thick, rough fabric. “Capture the animal and tie it up in that bag.” Then the queen held out a strip of black cloth. “And you need to do it blindfolded.”
The huntsman frowned at the blindfold, then looked warily from side to side. “Is this a trick? Am I being pranked?” He clapped his hands and bounced up and down on his massive, clunky feet. “No! It’s a surprise party! I always wanted a surprise party! Every year I tell my friends they’d better throw me a surprise party or I’ll beat them up. Then I punch them to make sure they understand.” He paused, frowning. “And then by the time my birthday comes around, I don’t have any friends. It’s weird.”
“No parties. You simply can’t look at the creature. It’s too dangerous. Can you do this or not?”
“Do you dare me to?”
The queen was beginning to seriously question her choice to use the huntsman. But she didn’t have any other options. “Yes,” she said, sighing heavily. “I dare you.”
The huntsman was a little disappointed that it wasn’t a party, but he loved a good dare. It was actually his greatest flaw: He was unable to refuse a dare. Because of this, the huntsman had only three remaining toes, no hair, and had not been able to taste anything for the last five years due to an incident with an industrial-size jar of ghost peppers. He also had an unfortunate tattoo on his arm that said LOVE MOME FORVER. When asked, he usually lied and said Mome Forver was his girlfriend. In truth, he just really loved his mom and had picked a terrible tattoo artist. (Another reason spelling matters.)
The queen tied the blindfold around his eyes as tightly as she could. Then she stuffed garlic in all his pockets. Finally, she shoved cotton into his ears so he couldn’t hear anything.
“THIS IS THE WEIRDEST JOB I’VE EVER HAD,” he shouted.
She ignored him. Taking a deep breath, she dragged aside the furniture, opened the door, and pushed him inside. Then she slammed the door shut and locked it again. There were some bumps, a few curses, and a terrible hiss and shriek.
“DONE!” the huntsman said, banging triumphantly on the door.
Relief wilted the queen like an old piece of lettuce. This was not the way she had wanted things to go. All her hard work and sacrifice! All that time spent looking in a mirror! Even sending away poor Jack.