“Not too much. The beer helps,” I said. The warmth of his arm felt nice and I snuggled into the hard but inviting muscles of his body.
We watched the group struggle with the tap. Spencer was hanging around the edges. I couldn’t help but notice him looking at me. He’d come up to me once or twice at school since the day he’d approached me in the parking lot. What a tool. He couldn’t even keep the leer out of his eyes and I heard the low rumble of protection in Jackson’s chest. Spencer turned away and eventually, they figured out the tap and filled their cups.
Once they were gone, Jackson moved back a little and said, “So what made you decide to go this route anyway? Not that I’m complaining. But is this really how you want to go down in high school history? As the easy chick? Because we can do this differently, you know.”
Of course that’s not what I wanted, but at the time what I wanted seemed out of reach. “It’s hard being invisible, Jackson. It’s something you wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
I took a deep breath, “I didn’t start this for attention, mostly I was just angry and lashing out. But then people did start to pay attention to me in a new way. Sure, some of it was gross or even mean, but after a lifetime of solitude it was at least different. What’s wrong with wanting someone to notice you?”
Jackson frowned and flicked his burnt cigarette off the deck. I looked away, trying to keep my emotions in check. I felt his cold fingers graze my chin and turn my face toward him. “People have always noticed you. The right ones. Don’t ever think differently.” He slid over and pulled me into a tight hug. It was nice, safe, and that ball of anxiety that I carried with me each and every day unraveled just a little bit.
I pulled back, just enough so that I could see his face. He looked down at me, eyes glued to mine. Jackson was so close I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips. His tongue darted out and I couldn’t help but stare at it. Him.
Everything around us fell away. The party. The music. The prying eyes. Jackson’s hand pressed urgently against my back. I pushed up on my toes, not wanting to wait a moment longer.
“Are you sure?” he said, eyes darting behind me.
“They want a show, let’s give it to them.” But I knew he was aware this wasn’t about them. It was about us.
“I thought you’d never say that.” He smiled with a lazy, sexy grin.
He planted his mouth on mine and a jolt runs between us. Pure chemistry. I slammed into him, pinning him against the porch rail, and his cold fingers slipped beneath my coat to the warmth of my belly. I jerked, laughing at the sensation, but he didn’t let my lips leave his. His tongue tasted like beer. His body felt like paradise and the longer we went and the more intense it became, I truly have no freaking clue why I waited so long.
Chapter 10
Things I remember from that night:
? Lime green Jell-O shots made with vodka.
? Sitting close to Jackson on the back porch in a big, cushioned swing the size of a couch.
? Jackson’s arm around my shoulder.
? Noticing he smelled like laundry detergent and that special boy scent. I may have sniffed him.
? Anderson’s smile.
? Oliver re-enacting a scene from some play from the third grade where he played a carp.
? Feeling dizzy and needing to use the bathroom.
I wobbled when I stood, swaying just a bit. I felt Jackson’s hand steady on my back. Ever since we kissed he hadn’t stopped touching me. I kinda hoped he never would.
Anderson, who came outside a few minutes before, seemed intent to burn a hole in our flesh with his intense, disapproving glare.
“You okay?” Jackson asked.
I smiled. It felt funny and real but not real, since I was drunk. “Yeah, I’ll be back in a minute.”
“I can go with you,” he said.
“I think I can handle a trip to the girls’ room on my own, but thanks.” I leaned over. “Anyway, I think your boyfriend wants a little time alone with you.”
He glanced at Anderson and grimaced but gave me an understanding nod. Oliver was good with the situation. So good that when he spotted us from the game table kissing he gave us a double thumbs-up. Hayden? I hadn’t seen him in over an hour. He was most likely camped out in front of the huge TV watching the football game. Who knew? But Anderson? He didn’t like what was going on with me and the others. He hadn’t said so, but his death glares made his feelings clear.
I stood and tried to ignore the way the porch swam around me. Just like I ignored the way everyone at the party kept looking at us. I hated the eyes on me but I loved the way it felt being so public with Jackson. In some ways it was like we’d transcended these people.