“You’re saying what we had wasn’t real?”
“No. I’m saying what we had wasn’t healthy.”
My words hurt him. I think, it’s hard to tell what’s the hurt I’ve caused and what’s his own fault. Everything is so jumbled up. I do know that I want him to leave.
“You’re so strong, Summer. It’s one of the things that I was attracted to in the first place. You go for what you want. You have convictions. You didn’t care about the rules when it came to us—you fought for what you wanted.” He smiles sadly. “Once upon a time that was me. I was a fool for letting you go.”
He stares at me for a moment and I almost slip into the seductive tone of his voice. His nearness, but I glance around the trailer and see the little life I’ve built here. My beach bag, my mother’s notes, an Ocean Beach Marina hat hanging over my bed, and realize this is his last-ditch effort—to get me back, or to control my life or whatever the hell he was up to.
“Thank you for the offer,” I say, knowing it was just another part of his manipulation. “Have fun on the trip.”
“The offer stands,” he says, finally opening the door. I almost exhale when he does so, because being so close to him, with the strange energy rolling off his body, was starting to freak me out. “If you show up at any point before we take off, I’ll back out.”
I shake my head and gesture to the door.
He opens his mouth to speak but snaps it back. I don’t miss the anger in his eyes. The desperation. Thankfully, though, he does finally leave, stepping out of the trailer, and I move quickly to lock the aluminum door behind him, only exhaling when he’s shut on the other side and I hear the crunch of his feet on the gravel.
My hands shake as I lean against it, feeling the heat of the sun baking through. Fear rolls through me. Not at Mason, but at the fact I almost caved. I almost said yes, and the fact that our relationship still has such a hold on me sends a chill of panic through my spine.
It’s only later when Anita bangs on my door and demands I come with her out to the waterway that the chill subsides, truly proving that this slice of heaven may be the only thing holding me together.
Chapter 17
I’ve got one hand holding back my hair and the other holding down the edge of my sundress while Justin’s Jeep flies down the road. The top is off and I can only imagine the rat’s nest my hair will be when we finally reach our destination.
“How far away is this place?” I ask.
“Not too far,” he answers. A car passes us and honks. Justin waves in return.
“Friend?”
“Richard.”
“Oh.” I turn and watch his small black car disappear down the road.
Justin adjusts his rearview mirror and says, “I think he has a date or something.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because he only takes the car when he has a work meeting or a date. Otherwise, he drives his truck.”
“How thoughtful,” I say, while losing a handful of hair to the wind.
We’ve passed the marina and the small cluster of restaurants, ice cream parlors, and touristy shops bordering the beaches. Justin shifts gears and turns down a bumpy road, leading back down to the water, eventually stopping in front of a shack.
“There?” I ask, pointing to the ramshackle building. To its credit, there are lights strung over the porch and I can hear music filtering from the inside. A couple of girls in short skirts walk up the porch steps and go inside.
“Best kept secret in Ocean Beach.”
I’m still skeptical when we enter the building, but the inside is cleaner than I predicted from the shabby exterior. Plus, it’s a bar and a little seafood restaurant, not an arcade, which gives me hope. High-top tables line the room and a tiny stage occupies one corner. There’s no band tonight but the music is loud anyway.
“I see Anita.” I wave to my cousin across the room. She’s dressed up, which is funny because this is the crappiest bar I’ve ever been to. I guess going out is going out.
Clustered across the room are all my friends and three guys with hungry approval in their eyes. Our relationships are escalating just as I continue to feel my time slipping away. The dark shadow of Mason continues to linger long after his visit, but tonight I just want to have fun, and seeing the guys outside of beach or work wear is definitely a treat.
“I love your earrings,” I tell her. The swaying chandeliers almost graze the top of her shoulders.
“Thanks. You look pretty hot,” she says. From Anita, this means I have a lot of skin exposed. I bought one nice dress for my trip to France and at the last minute packed it in my suitcase. Red and strapless. It was a good choice. I liked showing off my tanned arms and shoulders, something I’d never had before.