Holding On To Heaven (Allendale Four 2)

“Anderson said you called this meeting? Is it about last night?” he asked. “Because if I need to kick Hayden’s ass, I will. I mean, Oliver and Anderson will have to hold him down, but I’ll totally kick his ass.”

“Hayden didn’t do anything,” I said. Which is the problem. “Anderson didn’t tell you what this is about?”

We climbed the stairs and he pushed the door open. “No.”

I sighed, bracing myself for what I’d gotten myself into. A sex talk. A real one with my very real boyfriends. It was a topic that went against every aspect of how I was raised. Submissiveness was what a woman should be—not demanding or vocal in the relationship. But I also knew that was wrong—that type of attitude destroyed my parents’ marriage and our family. I didn’t want to be like them. I knew what I wanted and I planned on declaring that today.

We reached Anderson’s room and Jackson knocked before opening the door, revealing the other three Allendale boys inside. They looked at me expectantly and damn it, there was no way to run.

Jackson closed the door behind me and Oliver, who looked like hell, made space for me to sit next to him on the bed. He moved slowly and groaned like an old man.

“What the hell happened to you?” I asked.

He ran his hand over his face. “Amber. She kicked my ass in drunk Jenga.”

“Lightweight,” Jackson said, sitting next to a quiet Hayden on the couch. Anderson sat in his desk chair and shook his head at the whole thing.

I glanced at Hayden, who just stared at his feet.

“First, I want to apologize to Hayden for leaving like that. It wasn’t cool and walking off like that on my own was stupid. I can’t promise I won’t do anything like that again, but I’ll try to keep it to a minimum.”

Hayden’s eyes snapped to mine. “I handled it all wrong. I shouldn’t have said any of that.”

“Any of what?” Oliver asked, forcing alertness. “What am I missing?”

Jackson was equally clueless. Anderson ran his hand through his hair, still damp from his morning swim. His jaw was shadowed with stubble. I looked to him for help and he nodded.

“Heaven feels like we’ve been a little overprotective—not just with things like her storming off last night, but in other ways.”

Jackson faced Hayden. “Seriously, man, what did you do?”

“Nothing!” He held out his hands. “I swear.”

“That’s the problem,” I blurted. “Hayden didn’t do anything—well, at least not what I wanted.”

Oliver frowned. “What did you want him to do?”

“We were in his room alone, for the first time in a while and…” I gave him a hard, pointed look. “He just stopped.”

Oliver looked between us. I swear he wasn’t this dumb. “Stopped?” he asked. Then it connected, like a lightbulb turning on. “Oh, right. Damn. Right. Well maybe it wasn’t the best time. I mean, Hayden’s bedroom is pretty funky.”

“There were ton of people around, too,” Jackson added.

“In the heat of the moment, I’m not thinking about those things. Can you honestly tell me any of you really are?” Guilt crossed their pretty faces. I looked at Hayden. “Did you really want to stop?”

He shook his head. “No, of course not.”

Now they all looked down at their feet. Hayden’s ears were red. I inhaled and then exhaled loudly. “I know you guys worry about me. I know my anxiety scares you and all the bullshit I went through last year, including Spencer trying—and failing—to assault me, was rough. But I’m okay. Better than okay. And you don’t have to treat me like a baby.”

Oliver reached for my hand. “But you’re our baby, Heaven. Our sweet, sexy, fierce baby and none of us want to hurt you.”

Jackson nodded in agreement.

Dammit. Even hungover Oliver was adorable. It was really hard to stay focused when they were sweet and sexy all the time. Focus, Heaven.

“You aren’t hurting me,” I told him. “You’re holding back. Which is sweet and comes from a good place, but I want more.” I glanced around the room. “From all of you.”

From the expression on their faces and the glint in their eyes, I found myself caught in the crosshairs; four hungry men who definitely loved me—and wanted me—who’d been holding back for far too long.