“What if what seemed okay last night in the dark isn’t okay today in the daylight?”
“Did you respect her?”
“Yes.”
“Did you get consent?”
“Of course.” I wasn’t an animal.
“Did you give her a choice? A chance to you know…participate?”
I thought about her on my lap, sinking down on my cock. I cleared my throat and shifted. “Yes, without a doubt.”
“Then you’re fine.” He said with relief. “It was probably exactly what she wanted.”
I stared at my shoes, hoping he was right. If I ruined it—or hurt her—or made her second guess herself in any way, I’d never forgive myself.
Anderson grew quiet, eyes cast across the student center. I brushed my hair out of my face and turned, seeing her for the first time since last night. She was gorgeous, red-cheeked with a small smile playing on her lips.
“Yeah,” Anderson said. “I think you’re fine.”
I watched her come our way, hips swaying, and corrected him in my mind; we’re fine.
11
Heaven
In high school, I wondered if virgins walked differently than women who’d had sex. It was back when I was trying to figure out how to pretend I wasn’t one. I was sure the more-experienced girls had a particular swagger. I don’t think I had a swagger as much as a strut. And although I lost my virginity to Anderson some time ago, I definitely felt a different spring to my step when I saw Jackson the following day on campus.
I spotted him before he noticed me and I took a minute outside the crowded student center to check him and Anderson out. I’d had sex with both of them—and planned to do it again. There was no loss of one to gain of the other—that was one of the perks of our specific kind of relationship. Sure, there were a lot of stressors balancing (and hiding) four guys, but experiencing the intimacy with them all was definitely not one of them.
Anderson noticed me first, raising a hand to get my attention. Jackson turned a beat slower, hair flopping into his eyes, although that doesn’t stop him from checking me out, head to toe.
My cheeks heated, thinking about his lips and what they’d done to me the night before—how he’d explored me more thoroughly than anyone had ever before.
He licked his lips in memory and yeah, my walk was different. No doubt about that. It was one part eager, two parts confidence. Yeah, I felt confident knowing what we’d done and how I’d pleased him. I swallowed back the pride of seeing the way his jaw tensed when he came, and the weight of his arm over my shoulder as he walked me back to the car.
Yep, people who experienced that walked, talked, and felt different.
“Hey,” I said. It sucked keeping my distance in public like this.
“We were just talking about Anderson’s swim meet later this week against State. Think you can come?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” Watching Anderson swim was like a gift from the gods. I turned to Jackson. “Thanks for hanging out with me last night.”
“Anytime.” He looked at the time. “Shit, gotta run. My stupid English Lit class is on the other side of campus.”
“Later,” Anderson said, giving him some kind of bro fist bump.
“Bye,” he said to us both, tugging on the back of my shirt as he jogged off.
“Y’all hung out last night?” Anderson asked as we moved in the direction of our biology class. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just needed to blow off some steam after dinner with my dad.”
He nodded. “How did that go?”
“About as good as expected.” We walked into class and took our seats. The professor wasn’t there yet. “Oh, check this out, he brought up you guys—he thought I made a smart move by bringing you in last year during all the harassment.”