Holding On To Heaven (Allendale Four 2)

“What kind of concerns?” We’re surrounded by dozens of football fans. Most dressed in red and black. The air smells like food and smoked meat. Noah’s parents stop every three seconds to greet someone they’ve known their whole lives. I definitely felt like a foreigner. My parents would never fit in here.

“Just some questions about his past have come up. My father asked me to do a little digging into his background. He’s not the most technologically savvy. It looks like there’s some questionable history with his taxes. Plus at least one charge of extortion filed about a decade ago.” That was when I saw the sliver flask creep out of his pocket. He took a fast swig and the scent of whisky lingered after.

“You’re drinking?”

“It’s the only way I can get through these things.”

“Do your parents know?” I didn’t hide my shock.

“June and Ward? Fuck no. They’re total teetotalers.” He offered me the flask and when I shook my head he took another swig and then shoved the bottle back in his deep pockets.

I eyed him suspiciously, realizing I didn’t know him at all. How could I? But it seemed he knew about my father, so I said, “Noah, I’m not going to lie and say my father has always been the most respectable person. He’s had his share of troubles and if that scares your dad away, I get it. I don’t blame him.”

Noah gnawed on a piece of chicken and tossed the bone in a trashcan his mother set up. “That’s the thing. I haven’t told my dad about your father’s history yet, because during my sleuthing I found something else.” He cut me a look. “About you.”

“What about me?” The familiar wave of anxiety rolled over my shoulders, daring to drown me.

“I know you told me you weren’t as religious as your father, but I have a feeling he’s not aware of your flamboyant lifestyle in high school. I imagine he’d be very disappointed to find out how promiscuous you were.” He shrugged. “Are? Is it over? Because I’ve seen you on campus with a few of the guys in the photos.”

I knew the photos would be out there somewhere. The internet lasts forever. I’d decided that I’d live with it, but that was before my dad came back with his demands and expectations.

No longer hungry, I tossed my plate in the trashcan. “What do you want, Noah?”

“I know we agreed to no kissing or physical intimacy, but if you want me to keep your father’s sketchy background from my dad, I’m going to need a little bit more from you.”

I crossed my arms, hoping it’d keep my heart from bursting out of my chest. I asked quietly, “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I’m sick of my father looking at me like I’m a failure, and you fit every qualification he has. Pretty, smart, sweet, polite. You’re like Jackie O but without the Catholicism.”

“Noah, I’m not going to be blackmailed by you.”

“It’s not blackmail if we’re both getting something out of it. Your father will not only get his funding but he’ll think you’ve got the perfect boyfriend.” He smiled boyishly. “I’ll get them off my back and have the chance to show you off.”

“No.”

“Don’t be so quick. Think about it. I’ll give you until tomorrow to decide.”

“You want me to spend the rest of the day and pretend like this isn’t happening?”

“If you leave now, the game will be ruined and my father will have a million questions. Not to mention my mother will be crushed.” He looked over my shoulder and smiled at the woman I knew was behind me passing out pieces of pie. He shifted his gaze back to me. “There’s no way it won’t get back to your father that you vanished in the middle of the day.”

This kid was good. He’d give my father a run for his money. He raised his eyebrows. “Are we good?”

It took everything I had not to strangle him, but I didn’t. I gritted out the words, “Yes, we’re good,” before plastering a smile on my face. Noah’s hand landed low on my back again and I fought off a tremor of repulsion. I’d been blackmailed before, harassed and victimized, but something about this, doing it with a smile on my face, was the worst it’d ever been. I had no idea why I thought my past could stay behind me, that the bad decisions I made would ever fade.

More than ever, I believed I was cursed to repeat the sins of the past over and over again.

21

I made it through the remainder of the tailgate and game without losing it completely. Oliver texted mid-afternoon. He and Jackson were at an exhibition game down at State.

Hey babe, how’s it going?

I stared at my phone, trying to figure out what words to say. Come get me? Help? I’ve done it again?

Instead I type, Good. We’re winning by 3

We’re on the bus headed back. See you tonight