Summer's Fun (The Boys of Ocean Beach 2)

“She walks right in, sees me feeding the baby, stands at the end of the bed and bursts into tears. I ask her what’s wrong and she says, ‘I want you to put that baby back where it came from.’ That girl is done already.” She shakes her head. “Too bad she’s got a whole life to live with this little one.”

Juliana happy suckles on her mom, making content little noises.

“I can’t imagine what it’s like to wake up one day and have a sister.”

Anita raises her eyebrows. “Well you woke up one day and found out you had me? No regrets, right?”

I laugh. “Nope. Not one.”

She gazes down at the baby and strokes her back, then looks back at me. “How you holding up, really?”

“I’m okay.” I stretch my legs out on the couch, showing her my knees. They’re cut and bruised. “That hurts like hell and my stiches itch like crazy.”

She makes a face when I show her the dark line of stiches and the scabs forming over them. “So your body took a beating, how’s everything else?”

“Okay, I guess.” I rest my feet on the table. My knees are too swollen to bend under me. “It’s weird, because Avery’s dead and I know he can’t hurt me again, but there’s just some parts of it I can’t let go. Some of the awful things he said.”

“He was trying to get in your head.”

“It worked.”

“You can’t let him. Look at how long it took for your mom to reclaim her life here in Ocean Beach.” She gives me a soft smile. “I don’t want to lose you like that.”

“You won’t. If anything, I think I’m more resolved than ever to make this my home.”

Her face lights up. “Really?”

“I’ve been thinking about it. I’m not my mom. I don’t feel the urge to bolt the way she did, but that’s probably because she raised me differently and the fact I just found you. I’m not ready to give any of you up.”

“You’re smarter than you look.” She raises her eyebrows. “Have you told the guys yet that you want to stay?”

“Well it hinges on that really—if they actually want me to stick around.” It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.

“If the guys want you to?” She laughs. “You know they’re dying for you to be close to home.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. It’s a shift in our relationship and I’m not sure it’s what they want.”

“Have you asked them?”

I shake my head. “No. Not yet.”

She rolls her eyes. “Girl, what are you waiting for?”

“The right moment, I guess.”

Juliana squawks, popping her mouth off Anita’s boob. Her mother holds her up and rubs her back, eliciting a surprisingly loud burp. “If the last week has taught us anything, cousin, it’s that there’s no such thing as the right moment.” She stands and holds out the baby. I take her and tuck her into the crook of my arm, not completely used to it yet. “Plus, I want you here for purely selfish reasons. I want to hang out with you and I want my kids to have an amazing, strong woman as their cousin and role model.”

“Even one that sleeps with four guys at once?”

She sighs. “Babe, if I didn’t already have the hottest of the three Hawkins men, I would be right there with you. Live the life you’ve got. Take the love you’ve got. Don’t turn away from that because of something a batshit crazy guy said to you, okay?”

I look down at Juliana, who’s in the middle of a yawn and happily snuggles into my arms. Anita’s right. I want to see this little one grow up—be her role model and cultivate the relationships with the men I love. It’s time to make it official and become a true citizen of Ocean Beach.

36

Summer

The Fourth is a week way and tourist season is in full swing. Finding time to see everyone is a challenge, and there’s no doubt the boys are a bit wary about my state of healing, but when my mom invites everyone over for dinner I ask her if it’s okay if I take a walk with them down Richard’s long dock afterward.