“You know why this isn’t about Sabine?” I shook my head. “Because Sabine isn’t my girlfriend. She’s a fucking showmance set up by my agent when he did a little digging on my past. He’s worked like a maniac getting my past cleared up online, but we both know the internet is forever and it’s only a matter of time before someone connects me to all the shit that went down years ago. Bryant thought Sabine was the perfect solution to my image concerns. She was already my PT, beautiful and willing.”
“Wait…what?”
“I’ve been in trouble with her and Bryant since I went to that premiere with Heaven and our photos were splashed all over. I’ve done everything I can to pull away from her because I’m terrified they’ll dig into Heaven’s past. What if they find her medical records or all the dirt on her father? I’m scared for her. Scared for me.”
“Heaven can make her own decision about this. Talk to her and see what she thinks.”
“No. I told you. Even if she’s okay with it, I’m not. I’ve worked too fucking hard for everything to fall apart like a house of cards. I already don’t know if I’ve got a spot on the team. If I’ll pass the doctor’s exam. But even if I do, and the world finds out that not only do we have this past with Heaven but things are even more intense, more convoluted now? I just can’t do it. The whole thing is a fucking mess and the best thing I can do is walk before any of us gets hurt more.”
He zipped up the suitcase and hauled it off the floor. “Dude, let’s talk about this a little more. Enjoy the wedding. Give it a minute to breathe. You just dumped a lot of info on me and…well, I think I understand what you’ve been going through a lot more than before. Heaven needs to hear it.”
Hayden grabbed his hoodie off the back of the chair and pulled it over his head. “You can tell her if you want, but I’m getting out of here before I do any more damage.”
I didn’t stop him. Physically I wasn’t sure I could, but I could tell he’d made his mind up, even though his mind wasn’t in the right place. Not for any of us.
I offered him my hand, he seemed surprised but grasped it with his own. “Good luck,” I told him. “We’ll be here if you need us, got it?”
“Thanks,” he jerked his chin. “For everything, Anderson. You’re a good friend.”
I wanted to say more as he left the house, heaving his suitcase so it didn’t drag on the stairs. A car waited for him at the curb, he must have called it before I even got up here—already determined to leave.
As he drove away I braced myself for the impending conversations, telling them about Hayden. Revealing my own heart. In truth, it was bound to be a complete shit-show, but then again, when did the Allendale Five do anything the easy way?
41
Heaven
Waving off the boys, I retreated to the changing room off the pool deck, seeking a moment of privacy to recover from the shock of getting busted by Hayden and Anderson.
I needed to go up there, to find them both and clarify what was going on, but honestly, I was scared as hell that once we spoke about it, any chance for salvaging the five of us was gone. It might already be gone—I just didn’t want to hear the words.
The changing room was exquisite, like everything else at Oliver’s home. A small love seat, a wide ottoman, and a dressing table built into the wall. There was a shower with tiles made of dreamy blue-green glass and it was so pretty in there I felt guilty all over again for living this life while causing so much pain. Why did it have to be so hard?
I stepped in the shower and rinsed off the sunscreen. I didn’t waste time, washing quickly. I’d just wrapped myself in a plush, white towel when I heard a rap at the door.
“Come in,” I said, reaching for a comb on the dressing table. I expected Oliver or Jackson. Instead Anderson stood in the doorway, his face reflected in the mirror. I spun in my seat.
“Hi,” I said, feeling a burst of butterflies at seeing him.
“Hey,” he said, voice soft. “Can we talk?”
“Of course.”
“Do you want to wait and get dressed? I can…”
“No, it’s fine. Come in.” I was afraid if I let him leave, something would happen and we’d never get the chance again.
He entered the small cottage, his body too big for the limited space, but having him so close made me feel better—complete. I searched his eyes for anger but there wasn’t any, and that confused me more than anything else.
“I’m sorry about before,” I said, cutting the silence. “I should have told you before you arrived that things had changed between the three of us and that I’m hoping—”
He cut me off with a kiss, arms wrapped around my back, tugging me closer. My brain had a million questions but my mouth, my body caved to his touch, something I’d missed so desperately.
When we pulled apart, he pressed his forehead to mine and said, “I don’t know how I feel about what I saw earlier. I just know how I feel about you. I love you. I always have, and I always will, and if you’ll take me back, I can work through anything else.”
“Are you serious?” Anderson had never been easy to convince. I narrowed my eyes at him and he grinned, slow and sexy.
“As a heart attack, Heaven. The last two years have been a nightmare. Lonely and completely isolated. I’ve spent the last six weeks thinking about it. A lot. And the one thing I know is that I don’t want to live that life anymore.”