He releases me and I open the door, barging out. He follows, racing down the porch steps. “Starlee, wait. None of that is true. Not one word.”
“It’s all true, Dexter, it’s always been true. I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?” He looks so confused.
“Life. People. Friends.” I hold up the towels. “What I can do is deliver these towels. I can do that. Then I can lock up and go home and curl up and read a book, living life there. Where it’s safe, away from dangerous boys with lip rings and tattoos. God, my mother would lose her mind.”
The confusion turns to hurt, but I’ve got nothing else to say. I turn and leave him there, standing in the Lodge driveway watching me walk off. I do deliver the towels. And Jordan gives me a sweet smile and a thank you. He’s nice but I know that’s a trick—a trick that my mother told me to be wary of. And when I walk back and lock up the office and climb the steps to the porch of LeeLee’s house, I pretend like I don’t see Dexter watching, keeping an eye on poor, pathetic Starlee as I go through the motions of trying to be a normal person, in a normal world, and failing miserably.
13
I refuse to allow my outburst with Dexter spoil my sunrise meetings with Jake. I’ve started compartmentalizing the boys from the Wayward Sun. Jake is for sunrises. George for easy companionship. Charlie for computer glitches and quiet. And Dexter? I wanted nothing to do with Dexter. I’d said my piece and tried to smooth things over. He was nothing but a reminder of my failures and weaknesses.
When Jake and I meet the next morning, he notices the book in my hand right away.
“What’s that?” he asks.
“My favorite book.” We’re walking on the sidewalk down to the overlook.
“You’re going to read?”
“I thought maybe we could read it together. I think you’d like it.”
He gives me a wary glance. “I told you I’m not very good at reading.”
I smile. “I know. But I am.”
He doesn’t reply to that but when we climb up our rock, we settle in our spots and I hold up the book and say, “It’s kind of like the Hunger Games, except in space.” His eyebrows rise in interest. “There’s an amazing champion. Lots of bad guys and a very epic romance.”
“How epic?”
“PG epic, but it’s still worthy.”
He nods but doesn’t say anything else. He also doesn’t stop me when I open the book to the first page and start reading. “I would have lived in peace. But my enemies brought me war.”
The glow of the sunrise brightens my page and once it’s reached over the top, I finish the chapter and close the book. I’m sure that he was listening since I felt his eyes on me the entire time. This is further confirmed on our way back to the town when he says, “So Darrow’s kind of a badass, huh?”
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“Oh, you have no idea.” Darrow of Lykos is a legend.
Finishing the chapter makes us get back to town a little later than usual, and there’s already a small group standing in front of the now-open market. They’re dressed for a day of hiking and I notice Jordan is among the group, securing his water bottle at his waist. He looks up and waves and my stomach flutters. Not out of attraction—just from being noticed. I’m still getting used to any kind of attention.
“Who’s that?” Jake asks.
“Just a guest that came in last night.”
He scratches the back of his neck. “Well, I better head in. Sierra has me on opening counter duty. It’s Crossroads Cobbler day. I’ll save you a piece.”
“Oh! Sounds good. Maybe I’ll see you later.”
“Only working until noon. We’ve got—uh—an appointment in town today.”
“All of you?”
“Just a thing we have to do once a month. So we can stay with Sierra.”
“Oh, right.” I forget sometimes about their pasts and how they have a social worker that placed them in Sierra’s house. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”