“I don’t know what you want me to say, Sierra, or what I’m supposed to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
His eyes skim my face. “I want to kiss you. Make love to you. Hear my name on those lips.”
My heart thunders. “We can do those things.”
“But…” His hands run through his hair.
“But what?”
“But I’m also selfish. Greedy. I’m not going to lie, I want you for myself. Sharing you, even with people I care about, isn’t something I can do.”
“I understand.” My voice is weak, and I blink back tears. “I’m sorry I let this go this far.”
I move, ready to get out of the room, away from his pained expression and beautiful face. I can’t get out of there fast enough, jerking open the door and stumbling into the darkened hall. I don’t go back to my room; instead, I walk through the living room searching for my shoes.
Holden walks out of laundry room with an armful of clean clothes, as I slip on my hiking sandals. I spot my keys on the dining room table and grab them.
A line of concern slashes his forehead. “What happened?”
“I made an ass of myself. Again.” I blink back tears. “I need to get out of here.”
“Let me come with you.”
“No, I need a little space to think.” I give him a tight smile. “I won’t stay out long.”
“Be careful,” he says.
I walk out the door and take a deep breath. The night is warm—at least for the mountains. I’ve started the car and driven halfway down the dirt road before I realize I have no idea where I’m going. I idle at a stop sign and pick up my phone.
Sierra: I fucked up.
Katie: You are fucked up or you actually fucked up?
Sierra: I screwed up—with the guys—big time.
Katie: I doubt that.
Sierra: You don’t know what I’ve done.
Katie: Meet me? At Wooly’s?
It’s a bar in Mammoth Lake.
Sierra: On my way
Wooly’s is loud and I’m just thankful I don’t recognize anyone inside. It’s two blocks from my high school and some nights it’s like a class reunion. I find an empty table out on the deck that overlooks the lake and get the feeling most everyone here is a tourist.
I’ve already ordered two beers by the time Katie shows up. While it looks like she dressed in a hurry, she still looks more put together than I did. That’s the difference between rushing out of the house and running. My hoodie, leggings, and messy hair are the result of a girl on the run.
It’s a hard habit to break.
I don’t even give her a chance to say anything before I look around the deck and say in a low voice, “Remember how I told you that I had cake with Adrian?"
“Cake?” She frowns. “Oh, right cake.”
“Well, I had uh, a cupcake with Holden, too.”