“For Health. I thought we could make these black bean brownies, but I underestimated our ability to make beans taste like chocolate.”
“Oh, you have Coach Thompson.” I smile as Sierra walks into the room. “I got an A on that project.”
“Of course, you did. That’s why I came here.” She wrinkles her nose. “Things have gotten, uh, sticky over there.”
I laugh at the wording. As much as it sucks, I say, “Yeah, you two are going to have to figure that out on your own.”
Her face falls. “Really?”
Claire knows the rules. No hanging out, and I try to keep the suspicion off my face at her pushing so hard. Maybe it’s a test, to prove how hard we’re all trying. I shrug. “Sorry.”
She pouts and it’s funny because it’s a little more awkward than flirty. Probably because she’s not into guys.
“I guess I’ll see you at school,” she says.
“Bye.” I wave and shut the door, locking it behind her. I turn around and see Sierra unnecessarily stacking cups on the counter.
“Friend of Starlee’s?”
I nod. “And the rest of us. She’s cool.”
“And she wanted help with what?”
“Remember how Coach Thompson makes the class create vegan dishes so he can get free food?”
Her eyes light up. “Oh, right. I made some kind of eggplant dish with soy cheese. Oh my god, it was awful. It tasted like feet.”
“Yeah, they’re in that class. Sounds like things aren’t going so well.” I hold her gaze. “I said no.”
She nods and places the last cup on the top of the pyramid. “You know I’m not doing this just to be a bitch.”
I step up to the counter so we’re face to face. Sometimes it’s like looking into a mirror, other times it’s more painful, like looking at a wisp of my mom. “I know, it’s just hard.”
“I know she’s important to you and hopefully we can get past this. I have a second review coming up soon with the state. If I pass, they’ll reissue my license.”
I lay my hands flat on the counter. “It just seems wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know you’re doing this for us, to make sure none of us gets displaced, but pushing Starlee out for something that isn’t her fault…it’s not fair.”
“I made a promise to take care of you after we lost Mom and Dad. I won’t go back on it.”
“A promise to who?” I ask, feeling the anger and frustration rising. “Yourself? Me? Because I don’t want that hanging over me if it means cutting out someone I lo—.”
She tilts her head. “You love her?”
I shove a hand in my hair and shrug.
“Dex, you’re young. She’s a nice girl and everything, but...”
“Stop,” I say, tired of the bullshit. “This isn’t a passing fling or something, Sierra. What I’ve found with her—what we’ve all found with her—is something special. And you can keep us apart for now, you can tell me not to go over there and help her bake some fucking nasty brownies, and you can make Jake struggle on his own from the one person that has helped him academically to make some point—to appease the State and their stupid rules.” I push away from the counter. “But the second I’m off probation, I’m done with all this, understand?”
I untie my apron and toss it on the nearest chair, heading to the door, ignoring my sister as she calls for me. I could go next door and defy all the rules, go see my girl. Kiss her. Hug her. But I don’t. I go for a walk instead, breathing in the fresh air and looking up at the endless stars. I’ll see the next few weeks through and play by the rules, but I’d meant what I said; the second I’m free from the state and my probation, I’m going for Starlee and no one can stop me.
12
Starlee