“I trust you’ll be careful.” With either. Both.
Her kisses are sweet and I let her lead, because I can’t move too fast. She pushes me back, until my head rests against my pillow. Her hands land on my chest, hot and soft, while her leg swings over my hip. She sits above me, hair falling down her shoulder like a trail of fire. She starts by gently giving me slow, gentle kisses down my chest. She takes her time, sending chills across my ski
n. Her fingers rake through the hair on my belly, shooting desire straight down my body. Her thumbs graze my hipbones and I fight thrusting my pelvis in a search for friction. I thread my fingers in her hair and pull her to me, wanting to kiss her mouth.
Our kissing grows heated and her body rubs against mine. I’m dazed when she sits up and pulls her shirt over her head, revealing the light blue bra with thin lace straps. Goosebumps cover her arms and I know she wants me.
And when she bends down to kiss my lips, her breasts rubbing against my chest and her belly caving when I trail my fingers along her side, I know that this…this is right.
It’s not that it’s not awkward. Or hurried. Or without insecurities. Because it is. When she tugs at the drawstring of my sweats and when her eyes widen at the size, I wonder if this was a terrible mistake.
I’m broken.
Bleeding.
Scared.
But then she touches me and my mind shuts off, my body takes over, and through the fog of absolute desperation, we feel our way. She’s smart, unlike my dad, vanishing for a second and returning with a condom. I help her roll down, both of us taking responsibility. Proving I’m not him.
I dip my fingers between her legs. I make sure she’s ready for my readiness, kissing her lips until they’re puffy and pink, twisting her skin until she squirms, lowering herself on me, taking care not to jostle too much. It’s a testimony of how bad my head hurts that I let her lead, picking the pace, riding me in a sweet, slow, painfully pleasant way. Because my body wants it faster, harder, but she touches my chin and forces my eyes to hers and my overeager body slows in rhythm.
Together, fumbling together, we find our way.
And after, knowing the clock is ticking before my brothers return, I shower her in kisses. Lick the sweat from her collarbone. Whisper in her ear.
She lays her head flat against my chest and she counts my heartbeat, her fingers tapping against my abdomen in time. And just before our moment is over, I tell her that nothing, no one, can take away the one thing in my life right now that’s right.
33
Starlee
The fallout from that day is swift. When I finally return home with Leelee’s car, she’s waiting for me in the kitchen, the note I’d left her on the table and a frown of disapproval on her face.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her, not feeling sorry at all. All I can feel is George and what we’d just done together. I hate that he had such a rough day but I don’t have regrets. If I hadn’t taken her car, Charlie wouldn’t have won the tournament, we wouldn’t have found George on the side of the road.
“Although I appreciate the note, I bought you that cell phone for a reason. There’s no reason you couldn’t have called me.”
“I know. I apologize. I wasn’t thinking.”
She holds up her phone. “When you were late, I remembered I put the tracker application on here. What were you doing in Fresno.”
Shit.
I decided to tell the truth. Some of the truth. “I went to see Charlie play in a video game tournament.”
“That’s a terribly long drive. What if it’d snowed or you’d been in an accident? What if I needed the car?” She shakes her head. “I’m disappointed in you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again. I’m not used to being in this situation. I get the feeling she isn’t either.
“There’s going to be a consequence for this. I’m thinking grounded for the rest of the week.”
All week? Before I think I blurt, “But what about New Year’s Eve?”
“What about it?” she asks, with a causal shrug. My grandmother is a wonderful, fun woman. But she doesn’t play. I’m learning that now.
The only good thing is she doesn’t think to take my phone and I’m able to text the boys my circumstances. I’m not the only one in trouble. Dexter and Jake got caught coming in late.
S: Does she think you were with me?