“Just giving you options, babe.”
“I don’t need options,” I say, pushing his muscular body into the room. “I just need you.”
That’s all the invitation he needs, and he continues to kiss me as I shrug my sweater off my shoulders. His fingers touch the skin of my belly, making warmth spread below my hips. Moments pass in a flurry of quiet movements. My shirt drops to the floor—his hoodie next to it. My hands itch to touch his skin, his perfect, sculpted chest, the etched ladder of abs. In the shadowy light of the hotel room I see his perfection and run my fingers over his flesh, kissing the hard planes of his chest.
“I’ve dreamt of this moment,” he tells me, unashamed. “Like, literal dreams. Sometimes we’re in my bedroom, or your bedroom, or up on a mountaintop. I wake up so hard, so consumed, that usually I have to run it off—the thought of you off—to get my head back on straight.”
To have such words said by the man in front of me is almost too much. My heart swells and I’m overwhelmed when his fingertips skim my arms, down the sides of my body. I shiver from head to toe and when he lifts me, taking me in his strong arms and sitting me on the edge of bed, I take a moment to absorb him. All of him, from the jaw that looks carved from marble to the abs he works tirelessly to m
aintain. I touch his narrow, tapered waist and the golden hair under his belly button. We remove the last barrier of clothing between us and although I’ve seen him before—tasted him before--it’s different. We’re both more exposed than we’ve ever been and there’s a build-up of anticipation that tingles in every nerve.
Jake presses his mouth to mine and we shift back on the bed. His hands scald my skin and I’m not embarrassed at how obvious it is that I want him. The last year has taught me to trust these boys and I do with all my heart and soul.
“Promise you’ll never push me away again,” I say as he hovers over me. I feel him pressing into me, pausing, waiting.
“Never,” he assures me.
I spread wide, welcoming, and there’s nothing like looking into the face of someone that loves you as he finally claims you, physically, and makes you his own.
I know from the way he quakes, the rattle of his breath, and rumble in his chest, that he feels the same.
It’s not lost on me when we’re finished, wrapped in one another, our bodies slick with sweat, that I’ve done exactly what my mother warned me about—running into the arms of these boys. Losing myself physically to them.
I brush a strand of hair off Jake’s forehead and lay my ear against his chest, listening to his slowing heart. What she doesn’t understand is that it’s too late. I’ve already thrown away the past for this future. One that revolves around them as well as my own aspirations.
I want both.
I want them all.
And I plan on making it happen.
29
Starlee
Jake’s alarm buzzes before dawn, knowing he needs to get back to his room. He and the other players have a set curfew but no one is watching too close and his defensive linesman roommate isn’t going to rat him out.
He kisses me before he leaves, reaffirming that he loves me. I fall back asleep only to be woken by my phone.
“Hello,” I say groggily.
“Your grandmother and I will be there in twenty minutes,” my mother says, her voice sharp. “I’ll bring you up a change of clothes.”
“Thank you,” I say, adding, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run off like that.”
“We’ll talk about it when I get there.”
I get up and shower, using the shampoo and soap provided by the hotel. When I’m done I wrap myself in the fluffy white robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door. I don’t have time to dry my hair before there’s a rap on the door. I open it to LeeLee in the hall. Her eyes settle on the disrupted bed behind me, too messy for one person. I ignore it and the condom wrappers in the trash. I’m tired of pretending.
“Where’s Mom?” I ask.
“Downstairs. I told her I’d bring you your bag.”
I take it from her.
“This trip was about you and your wedding. I shouldn’t have spoiled it with my drama.”
She pulls me into a tight hug. “Family makes us do weird things. So does love. You’re young, Starlee, and allowed to have adventures and make mistakes. Trust me, we’ve all had our share of unfortunate events.”