Games We Play (Thistle Cove 2)

“I thought that’s what we were doing out here?”

I laugh. “I’m doing homework. You’re, well, you know.”

“Getting to know you better?”

I look him square in the eye. “We’ve known each other since we were four years old.”

He places his hands on my cheeks and brushes his lips across mine. “That’s not the kind of knowledge I’m talking about.”

Finn isn’t your typical dumb jock. He’s smart and does well in school while barely trying. I, on the other hand, have to work hard. I suck at tests, and the only thing that gets me through is acing my other assignments.

But the boy next to me is doing a very good job of keeping me off-task, stoking a fire that I’ve long had smoldering. I don’t resist when he kisses me again, this time deeper, sweeping his tongue against mine. I taste more than the chocolate cookies his mom made for him, and that he brought me two smuggled in his pocket, but the hunger just beneath the surface. It scares me. Terrifies me. Because he brings out that hunger in me too, but—

“Okay,” I say, pushing him back with both hands. He could overpower me in a heartbeat, but he doesn’t. His forehead furrows, and worry replaces the lust.

“Sorry,” he says, shifting away from me. His chest rises and falls, like he’s just run for a touchdown. “Too fast. I know. You just make me—”

“I get it,” I tell him. “I feel the same way.”

My cheeks burn. I’m embarrassed to say what I’m really worried about.

“Talk to me,” he says, taking my hand. “I can tell your mind is spinning.”

I smile. I’ve wanted Finn in my life for a long time, and the way I got him—it was a rocky and strange start. I can’t help but wonder if Rose was still alive would they have made up? I don’t think so, but it’s hard not to think about it. I also can’t help but wonder if he expects me to be where he and Rose left off—which is not possible. Their affection for one another was well known. He’s never denied to me that they had sex. It’s a fact. One I’m okay with. It just makes me feel… “Inadequate,” I blurt. “I feel inadequate when I start comparing myself to Rose.”

His eyebrows furrow. “Why would you compare yourself to Rose.”

I chuckle. “Why wouldn’t I? She was your dream girl. Your first…everything. You learned it all together, and now I’m ten steps behind.” I look toward the sky. It’s a clear night filled with a million stars. “I don’t know if I can make you feel the way she did.”

Finn stares at me for a long minute, so long my skin starts to itch. I think that maybe I hit the nail on the head, and that he’s been waiting for me to say something—give him a solid reason to back away from this right now.

He doesn’t. Instead he gets up on his feet and steps behind me, squeezing in the space between me and the house. He pulls me back between his knee-bent legs and wraps his arms around my waist. It’s warm. Comfortable. Sweet.

He rests his chin on my shoulder.

“I feel like I need to clear a few things up,” he says, breath warm on my cheek. “First of all, Rose wasn’t my dream girl. I was stupid and young and fell into the absolute bullshit myth of being the star quarterback, having the cheerleader on my arm, and going to all the parties. I thought being with Rose would be easy.” He laughs. “God, I was wrong. It was hard, in all the wrong ways. I’d know for a while that I didn’t want to be with her. I mean, I did break up with her, but now that she’s gone and whatever it was she had—”

r />

“Charisma?”

“Maybe.” His arms tighten around me. “Whatever it was, now that she’s not here I realize how messed up our relationship was. We were using one another—I knew how to smile perfectly for her ChattySnap photos. She let me watch football with the guys, and I didn’t have to worry about having a date to homecoming or prom.”

I get it. Rose charmed us all—that’s why she was a legend—a mystery. And I also understand what he means about her being gone. I feel like a fog has lifted.

I lean against his chest, cheeks still burning. “What about the rest of it? The firsts. Your experiences and I guess, expectations.”

“I can’t take back what Rose and I experienced together, but I can promise you’re more than adequate. You’re beautiful, smart, fun.” He presses his cheek against my neck. “You’re sexy and kind. You’re not afraid of being yourself, or letting others see who you really are. And because of that, I know you’re nervous. This is new for you, and I’m pretty freaking thrilled to get to share in that newness with you, on your terms, your speed, your way.”

I crane my neck until I’m able to see him. His expression is sincere, which only makes him more handsome. My heart swells and twists.

“I need to let it go.” I laugh and shake my head. “Jesus.”

“What?” he asks, totally confused.

“That’s what Alice kept telling me before Rose vanished, that I needed to let her and you, actually, go.”

“Alice got half of that right,” he says, kissing my jaw, then my chin, then making his way to my mouth. “If you try to get rid of me, I’m just going to keep coming back.”