“I can’t promise that you won’t lose control, Rupert, but I can assure you that I’ll be there every step of the way.” I run my fingers behind his neck. “This is about finding balance.” I push up on my toes, my mouth inches from his. “It’s about redemption.” I think of the word Miya used earlier. “Atonement.”
His body trembles.
His eyes watch my mouth.
His hands fist by his side.
I kiss his forehead, his cheek, his jaw.
When he’s ready, when he’s past ready, I brush my lips against his, feeling the warmth and need. His eyes are wide, but close when we kiss again, his mouth parts, his tongue eager. Our kisses grow heated, hard, and for a man that claims inexperience, I’m impressed. It’s only a few seconds before my knees are weak and my stomach twists anxiously. My body warms and his hands—they move to my hips—dragging me toward him.
I feel the bulge straining in his pants, surprisingly large and hard. He rubs against me and my lower body aches. I reach for his button—
“Oh gods,” he groans, abruptly stepping back. His face a tight grimace.
“What?”
He turns away, shoulders heaving.
I touch his shoulder. “Rupert?”
“It’s…” he glances down to his waist, “it’s been a long time, Hildi.”
It takes me a second to understand what’s happening, but I glance back at his face—his young, handsome face, and I’m struck again by his relative youth, and then by the reminder of his inexperience.
A kiss? Yeah, that may have been enough.
His ears flame. “I’m sorry. I told you. I’m fucked up. I can’t even…”
I touch his arm and face him. “It’s normal, and it’s part of the process.”
“It’s humiliating.”
I laugh. His eyes darken. “You’re laughing at me?”
“No, I’m laughing at myself.”
His hurt expression tells me he doesn’t believe it. “Do you remember me the night Marielle bit me? That was humiliating. I have never been so desperate in my life. I begged you to get me off.”
“Yeah, and I ran away.”
“As you should have. I was deranged.” I take his hand. “This place makes us crazy. Sex makes all of us crazy. You should have seen Armin the first time—” I stop myself.
“Really?” he asks, curious about the other immortal.
“We all have our hang-ups, Rupert, but we’re going to work it out.” I laugh darkly. “The fucking world depends on it.”
“Did you just say that the world depends on our fucking?”
I see the hint of a smile, and that’s how I have faith that we’ll get through this one step at a time.
It’s late when I leave the library, but the halls are filled with students. Excited voices echo in the hallway and I witness at least one scuffle break out. I pass by one of the classrooms and a hand reaches out, pulling me inside.
Armin looks down at me.
“What the hell is going on?”
“They’re high on adrenaline,” he says. “It’s normal after watching a high-energy fight.”