“How was it growing up with just you and your mother?” I ask. I want to know because when I have a child, I want him or her to be proud of me the way Chaucer seems to be of his mother.
“It wasn’t just us. I have a little brother as well. He was a pain in the ass for us both, but my mom was incredible. We didn’t have much, but at the same time we had everything.”
I smile at that and hope one day my own child talks about me with such admiration.
“Does it bother you at all to know you have children out there that you’ve fathered and will never see?” I ask.
I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. That’s way too personal of a question to ask. I open my mouth to try and take it back, but he laughs and says. “This is actually my first time with the club. No kids. A friend of mine told me about it. I’m not sure how I will feel about having a child I won’t see. I know I’ll be giving a gift to a woman who deserves it, who actually wants to be a mother—and of course, the sex doesn’t hurt. Maybe that will change when I’m older and when the child is older. I don’t know. Right now I’m just trying to bring happiness to someone who needs it.”
He brushes my hair out of my eyes. “What about you? Tell me about your family and what makes you want to be a mother so badly.”
“I don’t have a family. Not really. I have some friends, but that’s it. I was raised in foster care and aged out of the system without ever being adopted. I think that’s why I want to be a mother, to give a child the life I always wanted for myself. To finally have a family”
“That must have been lonely.”
I bite my lip. I don’t want to cry, but it always hurts when the subject of my childhood comes up. “It was. It still can be at times. Growing up in foster care has made it difficult for me to trust and get close to people. I’ve only ever had myself to depend on.”
“You can always trust me,” he says, laying a gentle kiss on my lips.
I kiss him back, and revel in the comfort of his warmth and the sweetness of his lips. When he says I can trust him, somehow I believe it.
We kiss and things start to heat up, but then the phone starts to ring. “I should get that. It might be work.”
“Of course,” I say.
He answers it and suddenly his face takes on a serious look and his eyes go dark. I want to ask if everything is okay, but I don’t want to interrupt. I’m concerned, though.
Whoever is on the other line has a lot to say. There’s not much on his part. After several minutes he says, “Yes, I understand,” and hangs up.
“Everything all right?” I ask.
He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes and I know something’s wrong. “Yeah, it’s fine, just a work thing like I thought. Unfortunately, I have to go.”
I’m disappointed and it’s hard to hide. He smiles at me. This time when he does it, there’s that familiar warmth that I’ve become obsessed with. I want to hold him and beg him not to leave. I’m not ready for our time together to be over.
I don’t do that, of course. What we have was never meant to last.
“Take care,” I say because it’s the only thing that feels safe to say. Anything else might reveal my true feelings.
When he’s dressed, he stands in front of me and holds my face in his hands. “I am really sorry I have to leave now, but I see we have another appointment in two days. So I guess same time, same place?” His mouth quirks up into a smile. He looks deep into my eyes and kisses me.
“Yes, same time, same place. I’ll be looking forward to it.”
He turns and walks to the door. As I watch him leave I’m disappointed, but I’m also giddy thinking about seeing him again. If this isn’t what falling in love feels like than I don’t know what is.
5
“Okay, okay, it’s my turn now! Truth or dare?”
“Truth,” I say.
It’s our fourth and final appointment for this month. Mosaic said she’d set up more for next month if this round didn’t do the trick. As much as I hope there’s a little baby already growing inside me, part of me wishes these sessions didn’t work, so I could have more time with Chaucer next month.
Room eleven has become a sanctuary for me. Like a bubble. An amazing, sex filled bubble. Not only have I had the best sex of my life in this odd little room, but I’ve connected with a man like I haven’t ever before. Chaucer is the most sensitive, attentive man I’ve ever dated. Scratch that. We really aren’t dating, are we? This entire situation has become confusing, but in these four walls, the complications disappear. It’s just the two of us, focused on each other.