"It's fun," I said. "We used to fly down here sometimes for the weekend when I was younger. My mom loved it." I felt Lo watching my face.
"What was she like?"
I parked and looked at her before tucking a loose hair behind her ear. "She was awesome." I smiled from just thinking about my mother. "She would be happy I'm here. I hadn't even thought of coming back, but it popped into my head this morning."
I grabbed Lo's hand, lacing our fingers, after we got out of the car and headed for the tram to take us into the park.
"Hey, Kyle, wait for us!" called Alex, one of the photographers.
I looked back at him, momentarily caught off guard. I'd been so excited about surprising Lo, I'd completely forgotten about them on the ride over here.
And yet, I'd already been holding her hand.
It wasn't just for show anymore, and I knew in my gut that spelled trouble for me. Big trouble. Still, I smiled at the photographers easily, then I decided to forget about them for the rest of the day. Today was about me and Lo.
For better or for worse.
* * *
We went on all the rides.
"Can we do it again?" she asked when we got off Space Mountain.
I grinned at her. "You liked that?"
She grinned back. "I loved it."
So we went again. And again. We stayed until the sky was dark. I kept my arm around her the whole day, and neither of us stopped smiling. In the back of my mind, I knew the paparazzi were taking pictures of us, but I didn't care. We posed with Goofy, and I took a selfie.
Because I wanted it. For me. For later, when I was alone again.
We watched the fireworks from a gondola on Mickey's Fun Wheel.
"The Ferris wheel kinda reminds me of my career," Lowell joked when we reached the top. "It goes up, up, up, then it goes down, down, down." She laughed.
"I don't think that's just your career—I think that's life in general." I pulled her to me and nestled her against my shoulder.
"No one's in here with us," she whispered. "Even if they have a zoom lens, they probably can't see us up here."
"So?" I asked.
"So"—she sat up and away from me—"we don't have to sit that close together."
I pulled her back, feeling hot and needy and confused. "Just because we don't have to doesn't mean that we shouldn't. Or that we can't."
She leaned into me and looked up at me, making my heart stop. "But we shouldn't. And we can't." She smiled sadly.
I kissed the top of her head and just held her. The jumble of feelings was replaced by a dull ache. I wasn't sure what it meant, but I had a bad feeling I was about to find out.
* * *
Later, I walked Lo formally to her bedroom door.
"G'night," I said.
She smiled, but it was a tired smile. "Good night, Kyle. Thank you for today. It was awesome."
"It was awesome." I stood over her, wanting to put my arms around her, wishing the press was in here so I had an excuse to touch her. To kiss her.