I snorted. "You mean he won't do that to himself."
"Kyle." She put her hand on top of mine. "Your dad loves you. I remember how difficult he can be—I watched what he did to my mom. And I know he cut you off. But I think he did it because he was trying to protect you."
I pulled my hand away. "You don't have to make me feel any worse about it. I know what a fuckup I was. Am."
"You're not a fuckup. Look at me."
I raised my eyes back to hers.
"And give me back your hand, dammit," she commanded.
I did as I was told, happy and angry at the same time. She was about to deliver a lethal blow. I knew it.
"You made mistakes. You're paying for them." She cracked a smile. "Your father wants something better for you. That's what I want too."
"I'm not gonna leave you and get you fired. Lucas would have a fit if we parted ways right now, and so would Shirley and Gigi. You know that's true." I watched her face. "It'd be the end of everything we've been trying to do. I don't want it to end that way—do you?"
She shook her head. "No, of course not. But I don't really see what other options we have. I want what's best for you."
"You can't make me leave you," I said.
She smiled, but it was a sad smile that made my insides ache. "No. I guess I can't, huh?"
* * *
After we were back at the hotel, I clicked on ESPN and watched from the couch. Lowell paced, probably worrying about my father or the sleeping arrangements. Or both.
"Lowell, stop pacing."
"Huh?" She looked at me and wrung her hands.
I patted the couch next to me. "Come here and tell me what's the matter."
She sat stiffly next to me. "I don't want you to say no to your father. And I don't want to get in any more trouble with Lucas and Shirley. And there's only one bed here." She miserably jutted her chin toward the over-the-top bedroom.
Oh, what I would do to you in that four-poster bed. My cock twitched. Stop it, I ordered. She was upset. I didn't want to scare her away—or worse, take advantage of her vulnerability.
"You can have
the bed. I'll take the couch," I said.
She still looked miserable.
"About the rest of it—we'll just have to get my dad to understand that what we're doing has an expiration date." I swallowed hard at the thought. "Once he understands that I will eventually come to work for him, that should reduce his drama."
"But is he gonna let you stay with me for that long? Until the Hearts Wide Open premiere? Because I think that's the thing Shirley's the most concerned with."
I shrugged. "If he wants to get what he wants, he'll have to agree." I said it with confidence, but I knew my father—when he wanted something, he wanted it now. Not a few weeks from now. "Whatever happens, we'll deal with it."
She nodded, but she looked troubled. "Let's talk about it more in the morning. I'm gonna go to bed." She gently kissed my cheek, making desire tear through me. She stood. "Good night, Kyle."
"Good night, Lowell."
If she was feeling what I was—the unmistakable, almost painful longing—I couldn't believe she would walk away. But she did.
She looked at me one last time at the bedroom door, a mixture of desire and regret on her face. "You can have the bedroom tomorrow night, okay?"
"Okay." I nodded. But only if you're in it.